It’s my birthday~~! ☕️🌙 if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee~! Link in my profile 😳💕
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Although it’s more like internet fund now cause the hospital internet is expensive and unstable, and my phone data is expensive af lol. I think I’ve spent over $200 on Internet over the 3 weeks I’ve been stuck in the hospital D;
I feel like this is the only time I can really ask for this, hope you guys don’t mind 😆~ thank you >.<~!
Ahhh I'm alone in the hospital haha ;-;~ and my surgery is in 37 hours!! Ahhhhhhh
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#coffee #moon #tears #illustration
🌓🌒🌑 🌑
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Funnily enough, i started the initial sketch for this before i came into the hospital..xD;;
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Tl;dr: Im hospitalized again for this unknown heart disease and may need open heart surgery…for the 4th time….Grandfather also passed this weekend, so not a good pileup…
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So…..it’s been a while for those of you guys who don’t follow me along on insta-story or twitter~ I’ve been hospitalized over a week ago due to an ongoing heart disease development. (Doc says it could be the same stuff that made my heart valve fuck up)
Basically, one of my major heart valve has a 90% blockage from an abnormal tissue growth that’s still ongoing and no one knows what’s going on or what it is. It’s apparently pretty dangerous where if the vein blocks completely, I’d probably die (or so the doctor says when I complained about being in the hospital hahaha).
So it’s pretty severe and the doctor wants me to prepare for another open heart surgery for a bypass to be put in, though I begged for them to try a stent first even if everyone’s doubtful it’ll work….i mean, stent is fairly non-invasive procedure, whereas open heart causes so much pain I’ve already been pretty traumatized from my last 3-in-a-row…..>__<;; Actually, my doctors have also suggested the possibilities of a heart transplant if they can't find a way to stop the growth and since the growth is only in my heart...but I really don't want to think about that...I'm so stressed out these days hahahaha...like, I'll just get waves of anxiety and heaviness in my chest, and palpitations...it doesn't help that my grandfather also just passed away a few days ago. what a terrible pile-on.
Trying to be more positive though! Right now I'm in shitty limbo where I got to wait for procedures and tests to be scheduled and for the doctors to figure things out more from those results.
For those of you guys who's seen my instagram stories and sent me messages, thank you lots. I'll probably keep twitter updated cause i'm too lazy to double-update on two social medias constantly. And thank you guys who bought me ko-fi 💕
Here's another cookie for making it this far~! Haha 🍪. Sorry for the rambling~
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#mood #sometimes #illustration
2010 vs 2018
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This is an old idea I decided to redo; I actually started this before I was hospitalized, and finished in the hospital lol. I guess I felt the despair more in the hospital…? Haha..
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Sorry, I’ve got nothing new haha~ still recovering slowly D;.
I’m going to go see avengers next week though, I’m so excited! Gonna go early and leave after everyone else leaves so I don’t break from people running into me lmao~
#illustration
“Breathless
sometimes it feels like I can’t breath…”
#tbt
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It’s official, I need to get another open heart surgery, and will happen next week. and coincidentally, my birthday’s also next week, so THAT’S GREAT. The best present, really. Everything I didn’t want happen is now happening hahahaha.
The next thing I don’t want to happen is a heart transplant, and at this rate, I can see it happening. the mortality rate statistically….57% survival after 10 years..?..that number….”orz
Understandably, a lot of people seem to think my anxiety is due to the actual surgery, but i’ll be honest, it’s the pain post-surgery that triggers my trauma more than death.
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So I shared my experience with post-surgery in detail on twitter, but cause of the word limit, I’m only going to share a part of it here:
For the first 24 hours, you’re in the ICU. You wake up a little bit, and there’s a bit of pain but mostly you’re high on morphine.The pain slowly sets in as the hours go on tho, and you’re connected to all sorts of tubes to help you breath better, but it feels extremely uncomfortable. You can’t move. You’re connected to a urinary catheter. If you’re unlucky, they might’ve given you too much antibiotics during the surgery and you’ll get diarrhea, but you won’t be able to get up, and the shame and pain of everything just overcomes you. While in the ICU, you’ll be constantly thirsty; the nurse on shift will feed to you tiny ice cubes when you finally manage to make a sound at them. You wish that you can just pass out as pain sets in, but you can’t.
Afterwards, you get moved upstairs into a cardiac ward. If you’re lucky, you’ll share a room with people who won’t snore. Everything hurts. You’re given a pillow to hold your chest at all times when you move, like holding your organs in lol. Essentially, every single movement that involves your upper body will hurt for the next month or so, making it hard to do anything, like sleeping well… You’re essentially invalid for that time, and will need a caretaker to help you out of bed, out of a steep chair, etc.
Thanks for reading and for all your messages and support. Srsly I’m mostly alone in the hospital so they really help.
#artvsartist hehe~ with actual closeups to the faces 😆
Sry, bandwagoning~
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Week 3 post surgery and I’m feeling better but not good enough to produce anything decent lol. Always so tired haha @-@
Just wanna say I love you guys thoughhhh all your support has been so crazy awesome it’s like my own internet fam _ 💕💕
I GOT DISCHARGED WHOOOT
☕️🎉
Okay, it’s been a few days lol, sorry. After 33 days of hospital, 11 hours of heart surgery, I’m finally out though~~! I’m still super weak, have shaky hands and move at a pace of a literal snail lmao, but I gave cup drawing a try? 😆 and thanks for all the ‘kofi’s, I wanna reply to everyone but it’ll take some time ;-;~
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Thanks guys for all the comments, though now it’s really quite a lot to get through 😵😵, sorry. I took a bit of a break from social media in the past week haha ;;;.
My body’s so broken rn lmao…I think I really need a psychiatrist again tho cause wow, my mood gets super high and low fast and the extreme lows are pretty extreme…well, nevermind 😆. At least being home really helps hahah….even if I have a bit of a cold…>.>;;;….coughing sliced sternum = a bad time guys 😂😭
Thanks again for all the support guys 💕💕
I’m still aliiveee loll.
Now the real battle for me begins. First foods after 24 hours being a Popsicle helps haha.
I won’t be able to reply or read everyone’s stuffs cause I’m so tired and my right arm is all tubed up, but thank you guys so much for the messages.
This is as far as I can’t now, I’m gonna go rest. Reading is hard @-@.
Overgrowing 🌱🌿
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Always wanted to fix this up so I decided to just do it.
Now that I think about it, this was some shitty premonition of a drawing cause now they’ve found that I actually have some abnormal unknown tissue growing non-stop in my heart 😩…there’s still no diagnosis cause they don’t know what it is or what’s triggering it so yay lmao~~
I’m actually constantly scared they’re gonna end up telling me there’s no medication to stop my growth and that I’ll need a heart transplant…ughhh…no, nevermind, I’ll try to be more positive ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
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#illustration #tbt #oldie
Happy Moon festival~! 🌕~ with a throwback to my fav moon haha 😚~
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Anyone here like eating moon cakes? I used to love it but it’s gotten a little too sweet for me nowadays xD💦💦
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I wanted to join Inktober but I’m still working on the first one rn 😂. I don’t really wanna break my body for Inktober hahaha;;; At this point I’m gonna end up calling it just an ink drawing and not…..inktober 😂 “orz…
🌺🌺
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Been super addicted to Stardew Valley these days so I haven’t really been drawing as much as I wanted lolol~~….been trying to woo Sebastian 😂😂
#inktober
🐅💃🏻
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Guess who?~
I redrew an Inktober I did two years ago :3~ mostly cause I wanted to practice drawing tigers again xD. I think I got a lil better with the tiger thing haha
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#inktober #inktober2017
This is a little late but thank you guys for 1.5M~! 💕⭐️
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I haven’t been feeling too well these days, and there’s been a lot of problems with my medication. I’m getting so many blood tests again my arms are super bruised and fulla holes 😭😭;;;~ on the other hand my super depressing mood kinda made me sit down and just concentrate on drawing….so…yay…? “orz
But yeah, my INR is fluctuating really badly for the past month and my doctor’s receptionist is such a condescending b….😫. Super stressed out ;-;
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(INR is basically a measurement for how long it takes for blood clots to form. the higher it is the slower it’ll form which means you’ll bleed longer. I need thinner blood because of my mechanical heart valve, but it’s very hard to balance sometimes…and there are dangers if I’m not in my target range ;_;…worst cases are stroke or hemorrhaging, …but that’s only worst case scenario xD;;….still stressed tho D; )
Sorry. Needed to rant >.<;;
Little red~
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Tbh I always loved the badass little red riding hood image hahaha~ I might do more fairy tale stuff, maybe? What’s your fav fairy tale?
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Also, as expected, I started #inktober 5 days late 😂
“Let’s marry in the space station”🌕⭐️
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Edit: lmao I kinda forgot to put a ring on Seven, damn, my bad 😂😂~ uhhhh let’s just pretend it’s there, ty 👀💦💦
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This is kinda late but finnnnallly done! I wanted to finish it for yesterday but I didn’t wanna die doing it so yaa xD~
I’m playing Ray’s route now and damnn. I need to play Seven’s route again after this I think…
I’m not normally even into otome games tho haha, but this one got me.
Which boy/Jaehee is your fav? 😂😆
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#mysticmessenger #seven #707 #space #wedding
“Let’s marry in the space station”🌕⭐️
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Edit: lmao I kinda forgot to put a ring on Seven, damn, my bad 😂😂~ uhhhh let’s just pretend it’s there, ty 👀💦💦
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This is kinda late but finnnnallly done! I wanted to finish it for yesterday but I didn’t wanna die doing it so yaa xD~
I’m playing Ray’s route now and damnn. I need to play Seven’s route again after this I think…
I’m not normally even into otome games tho haha, but this one got me.
Which boy/Jaehee is your fav? 😂😆
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#mysticmessenger #seven #707 #space #wedding
“Let’s marry in the space station”🌕⭐️
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Edit: lmao I kinda forgot to put a ring on Seven, damn, my bad 😂😂~ uhhhh let’s just pretend it’s there, ty 👀💦💦
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This is kinda late but finnnnallly done! I wanted to finish it for yesterday but I didn’t wanna die doing it so yaa xD~
I’m playing Ray’s route now and damnn. I need to play Seven’s route again after this I think…
I’m not normally even into otome games tho haha, but this one got me.
Which boy/Jaehee is your fav? 😂😆
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#mysticmessenger #seven #707 #space #wedding
I got my copy of the book which I drew the cover for the other day~! Swipe right to see the book version 😁~
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Tbh I wanted to have something done for yesterday, but because I had to work overtime on Saturday xD;;. and I’m also super tired….my chest hurts every time I walk to work now and I’m trying not to think about what it possibly means….I don’t want to go to the emergency room cause I hate the stress of waiting in there, but I do have an appointment with my cardiologist next week, and a lot of tests to go through for it…so I guess I’ll find out then? Thinking about it is kinda stressing me out though omfg 😭😭. I hope the chest pains are just muscle pains and not my heart cause I can’t do another surgery. I just can’t.
I got my copy of the book which I drew the cover for the other day~! Swipe right to see the book version 😁~
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Tbh I wanted to have something done for yesterday, but because I had to work overtime on Saturday xD;;. and I’m also super tired….my chest hurts every time I walk to work now and I’m trying not to think about what it possibly means….I don’t want to go to the emergency room cause I hate the stress of waiting in there, but I do have an appointment with my cardiologist next week, and a lot of tests to go through for it…so I guess I’ll find out then? Thinking about it is kinda stressing me out though omfg 😭😭. I hope the chest pains are just muscle pains and not my heart cause I can’t do another surgery. I just can’t.
“All of time and space, within your imagination” 🌌
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I feel like I’m just constantly apologizing for not uploading stuff the past month or two >___<;;; I've been having back problems so it's been hard to draw at home after work. I need to see a physiotherapist I think...
So yeah, sorry, another #tbt
🌙☀️
More work in progress~ seeing how it looks in more minimalist colouring. Will colour fully some other time xD~ •
Thank you guys for the well wishes last post. My blood coagulation levels hasn’t stabilized yet but apparently it’ll take a few months or something “orz. My body’s such a mess 😂. My back hurts when I walk…lmao all of this…”orz
“Scattering dreams ⭐️”
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#tbt
Eclipsing 🌓🌒🌑🌘🌗
Wip. Maybe. I dunno. 😆
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Culmination of inspiration from the eclipse and one of @zemotion’s photo~
Haven’t done anything in this kinda style in a while now.
Might delete this wip later if I actually finish this up haha…
☀️🌙
Some work in progress 😆😆;;~
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Been really kinda a combo of busy, tired and lazy these days haha “orz;;; time flies by so quickly…I get home from work really tired and the next thing I know it’s time to go to bed D;
Some work in progress cause I’ve been really stressed and busy with life and my body which I wish I could trade for a better version 😂.
On the other hand, I went to see my cardiologist at the hospital and went through a loooot of tests yesterday, and my heart is all okay~! So my chest pains are probably more muscular, through i need to find out what. Should be a lot easier to fix though, so I’m so relieved 😤.
Thank you guys all for your well wishes on the last post! 💕💕 and thanks for putting up with me talking about all this stuff to de-stress haha~
