Jankee Parekh Instagram – It’s been 20 months since I have faced an audience and as excited as I am to get back to gigging and travelling, I feel different! A mix of so many emotions. A bit nervous, excited but anxious. Have I forgotten how it is to be on stage? Will I get thrown off or will I feel at peace when I take that first step? What will be the first song I sing? What if my voice cracks? Will I still feel the same confidence holding a mike? What if….What if… I have so many thoughts running through my mind all the time. And then comes these other thoughts about Sufi. What will Sufi be doing while I am on stage? Will I be thinking about his sleep time or his milk time while I sing to a beautiful couple about to get married? Will he miss his mumma? Will my nanny be able to manage him on her own in the hotel room in a different city while I am performing? Will Dadda be able to take a day off from work to help me do this? Will… Why… How… When… So many questions ?!?! But I know that I need to take THAT FIRST STEP. ‘Cause what I miss is way deeper than my fears. I miss the red eye flights with my bandmates, the last minute packing before I leave from home, the continuous banter with all my boys through our travel, the excitement of performing a new mashup for a show, the chaos and the confusion at hotel check-ins, the band members cribbing about the sound on stage all the time, getting back to the hotel room after a performance and dissecting the entire act over a spread of delicious food, ordering gulab jamuns for dessert..I miss it all.. I miss ‘Jankee & friends’ (that’s the name of my band for all those who are new to my page) And what I miss the most is that adrenaline rush I feel when the lights come on and the whole crowd is waiting for me to croon a melody! I feel powerful and I want to feel that once again! P. S – Whilst I long to get back to work, I am not sure how that would be make me feel as a mother of a 7 month old. Would I be giving less of myself to Sufi to reclaim the person I was before his birth. I am pretty sure I am not the only parent to feel these emotions. Do you feel the same and how do you deal with them? #SufiandMaa #motherhooddiaries