Lola Blanc Instagram – Hello! I’m using this thirst trap to talk about ANXIETY! (CW!) A little over a month ago, I was struggling. An extremely stressful month + a physical symptom that triggered old health anxiety + some other things (please never take broad-spectrum antibiotics without getting a culture) led to me experiencing what I now understand to be derealization for the first time. I felt disconnected from my body, like I was in a dream, and it scared the shit out of me. When it came back again I began to panic, convinced that there was something WRONG with me. Panic led to panic led to panic. Even after a fruitless ER trip (shoutout to @francescakmaldonado) and coming to understand that all of the dissociation and physical symptoms I was experiencing were common manifestations of severe anxiety, and after trying meditation, yoga, and all the things, I was still barely able to leave my house for too many days. After a particularly bad night, I decided that going it alone and doing therapy once a week wasn’t going to cut it (though I do recommend EMDR!), so I started on antidepressants for the first time. That’s a whole ‘nother story, because my adjustment period and finding the right dosage has been its own difficult journey, but I’ve had good days, and I know my balance will come back. I was originally going to wait to share this until I felt definitively BETTER for enough days in a row, but I’m sharing it now because a) better is an ongoing process, and b) I’ve learned that the pain and anxiety is consistently compounded by the shame I’ve internalized about not being okay. I know “it’s okay to not be okay” is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, but in my mind that always meant, like, “it’s okay to feel sad sometimes!” It felt like it didn’t apply to ME – like it was a different thing. But it isn’t! I’m someone with enough privilege to have access to care and a strong support system, and finding good help has still been incredibly difficult. So my hope is that by being open about it, someone else might know they’re not alone? Including screenshots of #celebs who’ve talked openly about their anxiety, because I’ve found it helpful. Okay that’s all!