Ali Bastian Instagram – ‘Ali Under Construction’ – I posted this on my stories yesterday as a joke, but ya know… many a true word and all that! It’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot as I approach my 40th Birthday next weekend – I’m not about to reveal my new rocking Madonna body (although honestly a little part of me wishes I was!) I haven’t got a new business venture up my sleeve (although there are one or two embryonic ideas currently somersaulting in the old think tank) and we’re not, as it stands, expanding our family – but there is something quieter happening for me, a little more intimate, a little more vulnerable… and that’s the slow journey back to myself. It started with a question from my dear @jo_barefootcoach ‘What is your relationship with yourself like.’ – or words to a similar effect and I thought honestly, I don’t know!? I can’t hear myself in the midst of the noise of day to day domestic life and the immensely rewarding, love fuelled, sleep deprived roller coaster ride that is raising a bright as a button nearly two year old… with mine and my husband’s introduction to parenthood timed perfectly with the beginning of a global pandemic. I can’t hear my own inner dialogue beyond the endless trouble shooting to-do lists in my mind and the inner critical voice of, ‘you should be doing more… better, faster and did I mention that your house is a mess, you’re not on top of the washing, there’s a pile of post on the table you’ve left for days, that wasn’t your finest parenting moment…do better next time… blah, blah, blah. And then came the realisation. The whisper of my inner knowing and the beginnings of some self-compassion. It is All. Too. Much. You weren’t meant to do all of it. No one can. … and so this is where I meet myself, turning 40, somewhat still very much under construction, perhaps I always will be! Perhaps this is it, this is life. From one transition to the next, journeying away and then towards ourselves – a little older, a little wiser and getting A LOT better at asking for help 💜💜💜 ps. I will be speaking at the @barefootcoachingltd Women’s Development Programme this weekend 💫💫💫💫