Melissa Navia Instagram – I remember being with my parents right before I left to Toronto this past February and crying, freely, because I couldn’t see tomorrow. If I could safely collapse anywhere, it was with them. Maybe it was the thought of that, in the moment, and the thought of having to now do things without Brian physically at my side, that made me say to my dad: “I’m all alone now.” And he looked at me, held my face, and said, “No, you’re not. You have me.” I think of that a lot. I remind myself. One, because he’s right, but two, because my father, a man of few words these days, found the exact words I needed to hear without any difficulty, without any hesitation, without any doubt.
When I was little I wanted to grow up to be just like him. I asked my mom to buy me a blazer just like the ones he wore. I started writing his name at the top of my worksheets in kindergarten because it had a better ring to it than mine. He introduced me to Laurel & Hardy and Gilbert & Sullivan and Indiana Jones. To James Cagney and Peter O’Toole and Giuseppe Verdi. I asked to watch Amadeus and The Scarlet Pimpernel over and over and for years never realized how disturbing both movies began because he used to skip the bloody parts without me noticing. (As I’m writing this I’m remembering that Brian, who had an encyclopedic knowledge of movies, knew how much I still don’t care for the bloody bits, and he’d recommend movies with that in mind or skip past parts accordingly.) We went on adventures and listened to classical music and watched World War II documentaries. He took me to his classes & lectures & research sessions. I went to school for Career Day dressed as him with a briefcase full of books he had written and explained to my confused friends what a PhD was and how I was gonna grow up to be a philosopher one day. He showed me the stars and the moon from our backyard on a telescope that was bigger than me. Space didn’t feel all that far. Nothing ever felt far. Or impossible.
My dad never told me who I should be or needed to be when I grew up. He only showed me time and again who I could be. Way Out West. Pirates of Penzance. Raiders of the Lost Ark. He saw Ortegas in me way before I ever did. | Posted on 21/Jun/2022 17:52:24
