Magda Apanowicz

Magda Apanowicz Instagram – My beautiful #rescuedog Jackson died this weekend. #rip The pain is unbearable at times (usually in the morning’s). The repetitive thought sucker punches me every time like a rock to the face… a cold echo “I will never see my best friend ever again. That face. That love. That play. He’s gone. He’s just gone from this planet. Forever.”.
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There was a rise in #petadoptions during the pandemic. I happily announce, I succumbed to being a part of that static. Most importantly I KNEW I wanted to bring home one of dem senior pups. The forgotten ones.
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Even though I knew going in, from the start Jackson suffered from A LOT of health issues. The fantastic people @laps_bc shelter saw how special he was. He had been at the shelter for two months at that point. Not exactly sure of his age (roughly 12) or how much time he had left. They warned me it might only be a couple months. I wanted to give this jelly roll the best retirement years or months of his life. I truly wasn’t prepared to feel the intensity of the bond Jackson and I created in this last year and a half. Words can’t explain it.
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Dogs are majestic creatures. I took home my pumpkin. I was so scared, it was my first dog and here’s this little innocent critter’s life in my hands! Looking at me filled with trust and fragility. From week one he high-jacked my synapses with oxytocin when those big glassy saucer eyes of his locked eyes with mine.
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I know Jackson knew I loved him so much but his death brought me guilt. Like, did I do enough? Did I smother him with enough kisses! Did I lock eyes with him enough? Could I of gotten home from work sooner, could I of stopped cleaning more often and joined him for cuddles. Our cuddle sessions were epic!
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Any advice on how to maneuver through the surreal pain of grief? What made the pain ease? How did you distract yourself, barging to be spared one more splitting headache from all the crying?
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If you’ve read down this far… wow I’m impressed. In all earnest, if you have read this incredibly long post of my emotional vomit, I thank you. I thank you for taking time out of your day to hear me. *
*NO REGRETS #love 🐕♥️ | Posted on 28/Jan/2022 06:08:20