Louise Brealey Instagram – Yesterday we got home to the house on the hill. Gilbert had a good sniff and then curled up on the sofa into a prawn for the next nine hours. Thank god that’s over, he said. Noisy scary van, peeing at the same time as you, looking at awful mountains all day long mate. I put on the Christmas onesie my mum bought me about ten years ago that I could never bring myself to throw away. I dusted off a bottle of mulled wine and I got under Gilby’s blanket with him and I cried; I felt absolutely shit on a stick. Flat, sad, lonely, envious; convinced I will never feel happy; wild again with the things I have lost or never had. I sat it out. Microwaved something unidentifiable. Watched some telly. And I slept. We did it. Me and Dolly and the ‘Bat. We went not much more than 30 miles an hour for over 2000 miles. Driving through clouds and rain and long low late autumn light. I didn’t find myself. I didn’t find any answers. I didn’t find my mama. But I found peace sometimes high up behind the wheel of my beautful old green bus; I learned to love my hairy clown friend even when he was shrieking, I learned to love Dolly even when she was leaking. I learned to drive a 3.5 tonne van in first gear up mountain roads, to hill start at an improbable angle, do seventeen-point turns and to refuse to reverse if it’s a man in mirrored blue glasses in a white car, drumming his fingers. I learned to sleep in dark car parks. To light a fire on the sand in the wind. I learned again that no one is alone if they have friends. And, by the last but one day, I even worked out a home for all the bits and bobs. Thank you again to all the beautiful people who made this trip possible. See you down the road. Love Loo Llyn Celyn, Wales