Yasmine Aker Instagram – The greatest form of peace and joy in a relationship is when you feel you don’t have to do anything for your partner to love you. A relationship where who you are is ‘enough.’ I’ve been feeling not enough lately. I’ve been emotionally drained, physically exhausted and truthfully, showing signs of depression: low energy, irritable, not able to get out of bed in the mornings, not able to remember simple things, not feeling joy from activities I used to feel joy from, not interested in physical activity, and feeling helpless and disconnected from my body. The Iranian revolution has put many Iranians in a state of fight/flight, and I think somewhere in the midst of all the sadness I went from fight/flight to a disassociated freeze mode and stayed there. I’ve been able to fake it in public but behind closed doors, I’ve been unable to be my jovial, silly, energetic self. As a result, I’ve felt deep guilt and shame for not being able to be the usual me. In childhood I learned I had to “earn my keep” in relationships by doing good things, being fun or funny, performing, or being helpful. My current state has shaken my confidence and sense of value. I feel like I’m not as valuable or “enough” for those around me. I feel like I have very little to offer because I’m completely depleted – I feel like an old car salesman who promised a Ferrari to my partner and friends and instead gave them a run down jalopy car. This has triggered deep shame and guilt. I finally admitted this to my partner and how I feel like a burden. I broke down, cried, and shared my feelings. And my partner explained that his love for me is not predicated on my mental health or performance and he wouldn’t leave in the absence of the happier version of me. I realized, just because we’re in a healthy relationship and have done ‘the work’ to heal old wounds doesn’t mean those wounds will not present themselves in new ways. I’m deeply grateful to not have to do anything for my partner’s love in this chapter of life. He is reminding me that I’m enough even if I’m needing to find my way back to myself again. Life is just one long journey back to self again and again. Thank you @prince_nova_