Jezebel Express Instagram – So one of my TikToks is doing numbers, and as usual, a pile of strangers have shown up to express disgust at my body. I won’t say that this has no emotional impact, but the contents of the hateful messages just feel… trivial.
Maybe it’s just part of having been a fat public figure for so long, but I feel like I can hear what people mean under their vitriol… and so little or what they are saying is actually about me. I remember the time a young fat person DM’ed me: “I would want to die if people said those things about me – how can you stand it?” I wrote back, and told them the truth: Those people aren’t saying anything about me. They are saying something about the way they see the world. People who comment on other people’s bodies do so to express or reenforce their values and beliefs. Something about me feels challenging to them, and they feel the need to re-assert their beliefs out loud, in public.
To be clear: they do this for themselves, not me. No one shows up on a stranger’s page and says awful shit to them for the stranger’s benefit.
Maybe they’re saying:
🫥“I only value people who live in bodies I find sexually attractive.”
🫥“I work hard to have a fit body, and I believe only people with fit bodies deserve respect or attraction.”
🫥“I resent you because I hate myself, and I don’t understand how you don’t hate yourself, too.”
🫥“I perceive my social position to be higher than hours, so I have the right to mock you.”
🫥“I was raised to believe fat people are always miserable and self-loathing… who are you to break the rules?”
With family & friends, body commentary is often a bungled attempt at love. “I am afraid you will not find a husband” or “I don’t want others to be cruel to you”. But whether people intend menace or care, the fact remains: body comments are simply reiterations of their own fears and desires, projected onto you and your perfectly acceptable body. Comments about our bodies are almost never actually about us, in any way, shape or form. This is worth remembering, because it also means that other people’s opinions of our bodies should hold but negligible weight when we are assessing our own worth.
I hope this helps someone. ❤️ | Posted on 06/Jul/2023 02:29:47
