Eureka O’Hara Instagram – A letter to my current mood..
This last 6 months of my life was really hard. Some beauty in it but I fell into old behaviors and old trans trauma as I transition again, now later in life. Blessed to have gone through it cause I’ve noticed things in my life that don’t make sense.
I’ve had people I care about do me really badly and I let them cause I need to protect my image and I lacked self worth. This is built off of Child abuse trauma and peer trauma growing up. (This has been the root of all my addiction and self destruction) (I deal with success guilt)
I’m done being the one to give so much to these people and be left broken from it. Or left broken by my own self destructive behaviors, because when you allow yourself to be mistreated you treat yourself even worse.
Even my family has thrived off of my insecurity because I’ve enabled so many by just throwing my money, clothes, costumes, love, compliments and not real time and love because I’m so traumatized I only see my worth in being useful and giving.
I’ve taught people to not appreciate me because I’ve not appreciated myself, that’s changing and it’s such a new life. It’s lonely but not nearly as lonely, as filling under appreciated or self destruction.
Because I’ve trained others to do this to me I’ve been guilty of doing it to others as well. I’m no victim I’m just learning some stuff I thought I could avoid. This life, our higher power has put us on this earth to learn. I’m learning everyday.
Moral of the story. Believe in my own true worth for my own opinion for how I see myself is what affects me the most.
Also if people treat you wrong drop them bitches and put that energy in yourself and let them figure their own shit Out!
In conclusion, you a bad bitch
Much love, Eureka Huggard | Posted on 01/Oct/2023 14:59:49
