Ana Marie Cox Instagram – Latest essay in my series on recovery using the Twelve Steps as prompts is up. It’s Step Five and it’s a banger.
If you’re interested in writing your own recovery memoir — recovery from anything, from illness to disordered eating to job loss — I teach a workshop about just that. More here: www.anamariecox.com/thirdstory
If you’d like to read the whole essay or support me in writing more, visit buymeacoffee.com/anamariecox (posts are at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/anamariecox/posts)
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I’ve heard more Fifth Steps than I’ve said; people have confessed truly awful things – criminal activity, boundary-crossing, violence – yet I’ve never thought, “I could never do that.” I’ve done some truly awful things myself. I know that under the influence, I’m capable of worse.
However, the high others describe upon completing their Fifth Step has escaped me. I’ve felt incremental relief, let’s say. But shame has never left me; it has shriveled up around the edges. The shame covered me less completely and more unevenly, like someone with an inexpert bang trim.
When I hear someone else’s list of wrongs, I simply try to love them through it. “We love you until you learn to love yourself.” I have said that a million times. I have heard it a million more. I have believed it.
Where was that inexhaustible reservoir of love when it came to me? Now, I wonder: What if I stopped trying to forgive myself and focused on loving myself instead? What terrifying miracles might occur?
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#healingshame | Posted on 13/Mar/2024 23:39:00
