Lena Dunham Instagram – When I think about the hardest part of chronic illness, it’s actually not physical pain, or sitting in too many doctors’ waiting rooms or even being in isolation for long stretches- it’s actually having to shift gears. Sometimes, more than I’d like tbh, I have to change it up at the last minute because my body isn’t participating. And because I leave it all on the dance floor for my job, the plans that tend to go are the social ones (workaholism and ambition are another post, okay kids?) Like a few weeks ago, I had a plan to join my beloved @christopherkane at a party- he made me this dress (what!?) and I even got a fresh new haircut before I realized I didn’t have what it took. So now, two weeks later and with few non-dog witnesses, I am showing off the dress (backwards I think? Sorry, CK, it’s still just amazing) and the hair to remind myself that it’s okay to shift gears. In fact one thing the pandemic has shown us is that even those with reliable bodies can’t control outcomes. But the term “loss of control?” Well, you can’t lose what you never had. And I need this reminder. It helps with any shame I may carry about my physical challenges, my shortcomings as a friend or daughter or disco ball. So, what did I dress up for? Let’s call it a “better late than never” party. Or a “control is an illusion” festival. Or just a gorgeous night in, exactly like I planned it…