Shannon Purser Instagram – Part Two: Torment
When I was 16 I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. The gist of OCD is that the disorder attempts to protect you by filling your mind with deeply unsettling thoughts of things that disturb you and obsessively fixates on them in an attempt to out-think the fear. A person with OCD usually engages in certain behaviors that bring some relief to that visceral feeling of anxiety- that’s where the compulsions come in.
The compulsions never work for long. The OCD mind is never at rest and never satisfied. And obsessive compulsive disorder hits you where it hurts. My religion was the foundation of my worldview and sense of self and I believed the scriptures wholeheartedly. So my OCD is fixated on moral perfection. My intrusive thoughts told me I was evil to the core and I believed it. After all, the scriptures say “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” Believing the worst things about yourself, confusing horrific thoughts and images with reality, doubting your sanity and the goodness of your intentions at every turn- it’s hell. And it was a cycle that kept me alone in darkness. No one could know what went on in my head. It was perverse. I was alone. I was damned.
The human mind can only withstand so much torment. There’s a point after enough pain where exhaustion and defeat set in. Hopelessness is a temptress tugging on your sleeve. The fight against despair begins to feel fruitless. It was a hard time, but it wasn’t forever. It wasn’t the end, but it felt like it.
From Chris:
“With this piece, we get to see the true darkness of what happens behind scenes. The spirit world and the physical are intertwining, and we see the masters behind the priests and nuns. On the left, a Nun that was previously being knelt in front of by a priest, is now in turn kneeling before a red cloaked demon. Above, the priest is reading from the book of death and is being puppeted along with his servant by two creatures. The image mirrors “Devotion” in the placement of focal points and once again, all things are looking toward Shannon and pulling at her.” | Posted on 14/May/2024 23:46:05
