Swarnaa Rajalingam Instagram – I was picking up my niece and nephew from Tamil school on the weekend when I bumped into some of the kids I tutor & their dad. I was speaking to the dad about how I had never met their mum before. The dad pulled out his phone to show me a photo of his wife when his 10 year old daughter quickly intercepted to say “oh btw she’s fairer and prettier. She looks very different to us!” Seeing her abruptly give me a disclaimer before I saw a photo of her mum and say mum was prettier than her or her siblings it broke me. I had to immediately intercept and tell her how beautiful she is. I could see her comment came from a place of BRACING herself because she’s probably heard comparison comments in the past. You know the standard “oh the kids don’t look like the [insert whichever parent is lighter].” I know this is a common practice to make comments on appearance and who the child looks like in our community but comparison on complexion and condemning those who don’t inherit lighter complexions is so detrimental.
I’ve had a similar experience happen where my family attended a 21st party for a family friend when I was about 12 years old and we got up to take a family photo. An aunty watching made a comment to another mutual friend of my mum’s: “oru pillaiykum thaiyinda vadivu kideykeyla” In translation: neither of the kids inherited the mum’s beauty. This was unfortunately shared with my sister and I and it really destroyed our confidence. I hated going up for family photos because I was worried I’d be compared to my mum. Additionally people always took it upon themselves to ask my parents who I inherited my darker complexion from because neither of my parents were considered dark. Truth is why does it even matter?!
So can we just be mindful about comparing complexions in kids and their parents, speaking on appearance because kids really absorb that in and it takes a long time to unlearn that ish.
Want to share your experiences or thoughts on Colourism/appearance? Let’s chat here 👇🏾
Audio: @san_rechal_official ‘s interview
Saree: @stylewithnakshatra
[colourism, unfair and lovely, green and blue saree, oxidised jewellery] | Posted on 27/Mar/2024 17:03:55
