Tammin Sursok Instagram – I was 15 years old. The pulse of music reverberated against the cold cement in which I sat. Swarms of newly pubescent boys, clumsily and madly kissed their new finds from an hour prior. The air smelled like hotdogs and beer. My insides burned. I desired to be wanted, to be lusted over. My head began to feverishly bob back and forth. My peppermint breath labored and my skin began to prickle like burnt grass. I waited. I waited. I waited. The clock mocked me as hours passed. And then it happened. I saw him. He had jet black hair that matched his eyes. His fingers were pencil thin. He walked within a cloud of cheap musk cologne towards me. My world began to decolor. I could feel my heatbeat within my groin. This was it. “Hey” he moaned. I stared blankly paralyzed in fear and lust. “Hey”. He repeated with more gusto. “Breathe” I mumbled to myself. I lifted my innocent grey eyes to meet his. “Hi” I said, “my name is Tammin” “ Hey Tammin, I’m Steve. And I want to tell you something” My heart stopped. I had daydreamed for years that this moment would come. “ Yes?” I fumbled to say “You need to go to Jenny Craig” I was 17 years old and I sat on the floor of a antique bathroom in Italy. I had spent the last 40 minutes ramming my chapped and raw knuckles down my throat. I knew this routine well. I had become an expert at lying. Swirling within the bowl were six fluorescent braces bands dancing like tropical fish. My fingers stung as they dove in to the oily water. It didn’t matter though, for secrets kept me warm at night. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw my eyes, they looked like they were bleeding. I weakly smiled at my reflection. I was 100 pounds, I thought, now people would love me. (Continued in the comments and in the images above) #internationalwomensday