Jordan Doww Instagram – May is #mentalhealthawareness month & I wanted to take the chance to share a piece of my journey in hopes anyone out there can relate & just *maybe* not feel so alone. Trigger warning.
For the better part of the last 5 years, I’ve struggled to accept the fact that I didn’t feel well.. I’ve had anxiety and OCD since I was a kid, but this felt much different.. In 2018, I went through a few experiences that left me quite traumatized. But with time, I always found myself back on my feet. However, I couldn’t ignore this slow, nagging feeling that i was dissociating from myself as time was passing. So, I spent a few months trying my best to find what makes me… ME again. It wasn’t until the end of that year, i experienced what felt like my body & brains final straw. I was sexually assaulted while blacked out in (what I thought was) an uber. This was my breaking point.
I have kept this to myself until now because I’ve struggled to come to terms with how I even feel about the event – I don’t get flashbacks, I don’t think of it too often.. But my body certainly remembers it. “The body keeps the score.” Three days after it happened, I experienced the biggest, most violent 3 hour panic attack. The weeks after were a blur & eventually, I’d find myself bed ridden for months with debilitating anxiety. I had developed a full blown panic disorder & CPTSD.
In the years following, I’d ebb and flow through periods where I was doing much better and others where the anxiety was a rampant beast again. Even if a certain day isn’t bad, I have felt “off,” unlike myself, & have struggled to fully cope with the physical symptoms since.
It wasn’t until my 28th birthday last year that I decided to give in & get help. It’s clear that my nervous system has been stuck in survival. I started therapy, medication, and have been working to get things “realigned.” I’ve since come to realize this journey can be very up & down and all about finding what works for YOU. No need to be ashamed if you’re not where you thought you’d be yet. I understand now the journey takes trial & error. I will be patient, kind, and resilient.
Every single day is a new chance to try again.
Read that again. | Posted on 02/May/2024 07:28:29
