Arryn Zech Instagram – March was hard. I haven’t felt as mentally unwell as I did in March than I have in years. I realized that when things like my dogs, routine, and getting rest are taken from me, I go so far down until a black hole that I have difficulty coming back out. This made me realize that the medication I’m on clearly isn’t helping enough. I mentioned this to my doctor and they recommended getting a psych evaluation, to get a fuller picture of what’s going on, giving us a better idea on what the next steps are. I got tested and the results honestly made me laugh. You’ve gotta laugh, ya know? I’m clinically diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Depression, OCD, an Eating Disorder, and ADHD. My ADHD symptoms are apparently exacerbated by the intensity of my GAD and PTSD, causing me to get overwhelmed easily and shut down almost daily.
I’m not excited to find that I’m not as ok as I thought I was without distraction, but it does feel very validating to have a professional tell me “yeah, you’re a bit fucked up, it’s not all in your head, it really is real.” I’m sure I’m not the only one, but my imposter syndrome extends even to mental illness. Am I really unwell enough to be called unwell?
Rambling a bit, but I wanted to highlight all the things that brought me sparks of joy during this time. My incredible friends, my pups, my plants, my music, my job, my wonderful and kind fans, and, funny enough, blackberries. (And special thank you to my mom for looking after my girls while I travelled so much for work the last month.)
I don’t do well with being unwell, I tend to hermit and not reach out, but I want to say thank you to everyone and everything that’s brought some light. With my diagnosis, we can now figure out next steps in getting better. Baby steps 🖤
(I feel a little strange and over-sharey with this post, but my hope is that if someone sees this who feels similar, that they’re not alone, there are things you can do, and that a baby step is still a step in the right direction.) | Posted on 05/Apr/2024 23:46:12
