Christina Moses Instagram – #1corinthians13
may i not demand my own way.
speaking of demanding my own way…
thinking of all the ways my need to control is and has been a gift. it’s been my protector. a function of discernment, discipline. it informs my leadership and the ways i guide. keeps a clean house. and a somewhat organized closet.
i’d say it’s contributed to my success.
i am also painfully and, at the moment, sharply aware of all the pernicious and sneaky methods control employs to hide in the crevices of my intellect. and within the hyper drive of my “emotional maturity”, my hard earned and innate wisdom. (i use quotes because sometimes i have weaponized it).
i’m discovering how control lays in waiting outside yet ever so close to the gates of my heart perched as the vigilant watchful hawk. i’d even say this companion of mine is a shape shifter. disguises herself as intuition, when really at times, she just has an inflated since of her role in my life.
in essence fear and control, two sides of the same coin.
so many goals. desires. plans. and the ideas of how i think they should unfold….are just ideas. plans. butting up against this need to control. and it’s fucking terrifying. to let go. to not know. to give up control. but the best most delightful most healing most enriching and expansive experiences in my life always have existed outside of my best laid plans. plot twists. hmmm.
my prayer: may i get out of my own way. with grace, may i surrender my will. may i be open to life surprising me, delighting me beyond any idea or plan i think i can create on my own. | Posted on 10/Jun/2024 21:23:34
