We’re freezing (more) embryos, ya’ll. Today was the retrieval. Went well! Although the prep was… not my fav. IVs are always a challenge with me. I had a nurse and an anesthesiologist both looking at my veins, person on each arm, concerned, ultimately concluding, “They just look really flat.” Sorry I don’t need a double D bra to hold up my veins, ladies! Sorry they’re not busting out of a crop top for you!! The nurse had to warm the backs of my hands with those teabags you put in your ski gloves to prevent frostbite. But they didn’t help much. My veins kept, as they said, rolling. “Flat! Rolling!” What is happening? Are you describing veins, or the topography of Napa? I got poked/stuck, I want to say, four times (more like six if you count the Lidocaine injections I ended up asking for…) before they were able to effectively insert the IV. It would have been beyond traumatizing… however… Say what you will about Botox and injectables… nothing has conquered my needle-phobia quite like those little routine shots of forehead freezey juice. Thank you, toxic societal aversion to aging! Because of you, today was a walk in the park! But like the kind of park with a lot of needles. Today was a walk in Tompkins Square Park. Anyway, glad it’s over. Glad I’m sipping Gatorade right now, on the other side of it, staring at my dog. Also last but very not least: Grateful for @samaronoff 💗🙃💗🙃 #eggretrieval
We’re freezing (more) embryos, ya’ll. Today was the retrieval. Went well! Although the prep was… not my fav. IVs are always a challenge with me. I had a nurse and an anesthesiologist both looking at my veins, person on each arm, concerned, ultimately concluding, “They just look really flat.” Sorry I don’t need a double D bra to hold up my veins, ladies! Sorry they’re not busting out of a crop top for you!! The nurse had to warm the backs of my hands with those teabags you put in your ski gloves to prevent frostbite. But they didn’t help much. My veins kept, as they said, rolling. “Flat! Rolling!” What is happening? Are you describing veins, or the topography of Napa? I got poked/stuck, I want to say, four times (more like six if you count the Lidocaine injections I ended up asking for…) before they were able to effectively insert the IV. It would have been beyond traumatizing… however… Say what you will about Botox and injectables… nothing has conquered my needle-phobia quite like those little routine shots of forehead freezey juice. Thank you, toxic societal aversion to aging! Because of you, today was a walk in the park! But like the kind of park with a lot of needles. Today was a walk in Tompkins Square Park. Anyway, glad it’s over. Glad I’m sipping Gatorade right now, on the other side of it, staring at my dog. Also last but very not least: Grateful for @samaronoff 💗🙃💗🙃 #eggretrieval
We’re freezing (more) embryos, ya’ll. Today was the retrieval. Went well! Although the prep was… not my fav. IVs are always a challenge with me. I had a nurse and an anesthesiologist both looking at my veins, person on each arm, concerned, ultimately concluding, “They just look really flat.” Sorry I don’t need a double D bra to hold up my veins, ladies! Sorry they’re not busting out of a crop top for you!! The nurse had to warm the backs of my hands with those teabags you put in your ski gloves to prevent frostbite. But they didn’t help much. My veins kept, as they said, rolling. “Flat! Rolling!” What is happening? Are you describing veins, or the topography of Napa? I got poked/stuck, I want to say, four times (more like six if you count the Lidocaine injections I ended up asking for…) before they were able to effectively insert the IV. It would have been beyond traumatizing… however… Say what you will about Botox and injectables… nothing has conquered my needle-phobia quite like those little routine shots of forehead freezey juice. Thank you, toxic societal aversion to aging! Because of you, today was a walk in the park! But like the kind of park with a lot of needles. Today was a walk in Tompkins Square Park. Anyway, glad it’s over. Glad I’m sipping Gatorade right now, on the other side of it, staring at my dog. Also last but very not least: Grateful for @samaronoff 💗🙃💗🙃 #eggretrieval
We’re freezing (more) embryos, ya’ll. Today was the retrieval. Went well! Although the prep was… not my fav. IVs are always a challenge with me. I had a nurse and an anesthesiologist both looking at my veins, person on each arm, concerned, ultimately concluding, “They just look really flat.” Sorry I don’t need a double D bra to hold up my veins, ladies! Sorry they’re not busting out of a crop top for you!! The nurse had to warm the backs of my hands with those teabags you put in your ski gloves to prevent frostbite. But they didn’t help much. My veins kept, as they said, rolling. “Flat! Rolling!” What is happening? Are you describing veins, or the topography of Napa? I got poked/stuck, I want to say, four times (more like six if you count the Lidocaine injections I ended up asking for…) before they were able to effectively insert the IV. It would have been beyond traumatizing… however… Say what you will about Botox and injectables… nothing has conquered my needle-phobia quite like those little routine shots of forehead freezey juice. Thank you, toxic societal aversion to aging! Because of you, today was a walk in the park! But like the kind of park with a lot of needles. Today was a walk in Tompkins Square Park. Anyway, glad it’s over. Glad I’m sipping Gatorade right now, on the other side of it, staring at my dog. Also last but very not least: Grateful for @samaronoff 💗🙃💗🙃 #eggretrieval
Hey y’all #standup #comedy #nyc #texas
l’ately
l’ately
l’ately
I was recently told by a life coach – yep, saw one, see one – that Pisces ppl like myself swim around carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And that all of the other zodiac signs are SOCIOPATHS WHO FEEL NOTHING! Jk Given the colossal growing tension and divisiveness and the unrelenting grief surrounding the events of the past week, coupled with hormone shots for an upcoming egg retrieval, you could say this fish has gone into some dark waters. The kind of waters where those fish with the scary lightbulb hanging in front of their faces sneak up on you. Gah! So, yeah, a bit dysthymic over here, to say the least. Here are some things that are helping me get through the day. Maybe they’ll help you, too. Dunno. 1) first pic is just one I like to lure you innnn. Got a blowout that day. Feels nice to feel nice. Are blow-outs an effective treatment plan for depression? I’d say so. 2) @headspace ten minutes a day. Right now I’m doing the “Handling Sadness” pack and Andy – the headspace dude – teaches you this cool visualization technique that literally makes you feel like you’re floating. Into it! 3) @stasiapatwell said that she put this on her bathroom mirror and it helped her. So I did it. Tough to believe in miracles when innocent people have died and continue to die. But I’m leaving it up for now. It’s my Lasso #Believe sign for now. 4) I take Wellbutrin for depression. It has changed my life. Not saying you need meds, or even believe in taking meds, but I need meds. And I’m grateful for them. 5) @dopequeenpheebs told me about this method, The Pomodoro method. She said it helped her focus. I was like, “Eh not working for me, but glad it works for you.” Then I hit a point during the strike where I could not bring myself to write or ideate or create… nothing in my brain. Just a dog chasing a squirrel up there. Knock knock, who’s home? Fuckin’ nobody. Then I revisited the timer. And I am here to say I’ve gotten more accomplished in the past three weeks than I have in the past five months. 25 mins on, 5 min break. Rinse repeat I love it. I love working on… work. *As always I’m like, “Should I post this? Who needs this post?” But here we are.*
I was recently told by a life coach – yep, saw one, see one – that Pisces ppl like myself swim around carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And that all of the other zodiac signs are SOCIOPATHS WHO FEEL NOTHING! Jk Given the colossal growing tension and divisiveness and the unrelenting grief surrounding the events of the past week, coupled with hormone shots for an upcoming egg retrieval, you could say this fish has gone into some dark waters. The kind of waters where those fish with the scary lightbulb hanging in front of their faces sneak up on you. Gah! So, yeah, a bit dysthymic over here, to say the least. Here are some things that are helping me get through the day. Maybe they’ll help you, too. Dunno. 1) first pic is just one I like to lure you innnn. Got a blowout that day. Feels nice to feel nice. Are blow-outs an effective treatment plan for depression? I’d say so. 2) @headspace ten minutes a day. Right now I’m doing the “Handling Sadness” pack and Andy – the headspace dude – teaches you this cool visualization technique that literally makes you feel like you’re floating. Into it! 3) @stasiapatwell said that she put this on her bathroom mirror and it helped her. So I did it. Tough to believe in miracles when innocent people have died and continue to die. But I’m leaving it up for now. It’s my Lasso #Believe sign for now. 4) I take Wellbutrin for depression. It has changed my life. Not saying you need meds, or even believe in taking meds, but I need meds. And I’m grateful for them. 5) @dopequeenpheebs told me about this method, The Pomodoro method. She said it helped her focus. I was like, “Eh not working for me, but glad it works for you.” Then I hit a point during the strike where I could not bring myself to write or ideate or create… nothing in my brain. Just a dog chasing a squirrel up there. Knock knock, who’s home? Fuckin’ nobody. Then I revisited the timer. And I am here to say I’ve gotten more accomplished in the past three weeks than I have in the past five months. 25 mins on, 5 min break. Rinse repeat I love it. I love working on… work. *As always I’m like, “Should I post this? Who needs this post?” But here we are.*
I was recently told by a life coach – yep, saw one, see one – that Pisces ppl like myself swim around carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And that all of the other zodiac signs are SOCIOPATHS WHO FEEL NOTHING! Jk Given the colossal growing tension and divisiveness and the unrelenting grief surrounding the events of the past week, coupled with hormone shots for an upcoming egg retrieval, you could say this fish has gone into some dark waters. The kind of waters where those fish with the scary lightbulb hanging in front of their faces sneak up on you. Gah! So, yeah, a bit dysthymic over here, to say the least. Here are some things that are helping me get through the day. Maybe they’ll help you, too. Dunno. 1) first pic is just one I like to lure you innnn. Got a blowout that day. Feels nice to feel nice. Are blow-outs an effective treatment plan for depression? I’d say so. 2) @headspace ten minutes a day. Right now I’m doing the “Handling Sadness” pack and Andy – the headspace dude – teaches you this cool visualization technique that literally makes you feel like you’re floating. Into it! 3) @stasiapatwell said that she put this on her bathroom mirror and it helped her. So I did it. Tough to believe in miracles when innocent people have died and continue to die. But I’m leaving it up for now. It’s my Lasso #Believe sign for now. 4) I take Wellbutrin for depression. It has changed my life. Not saying you need meds, or even believe in taking meds, but I need meds. And I’m grateful for them. 5) @dopequeenpheebs told me about this method, The Pomodoro method. She said it helped her focus. I was like, “Eh not working for me, but glad it works for you.” Then I hit a point during the strike where I could not bring myself to write or ideate or create… nothing in my brain. Just a dog chasing a squirrel up there. Knock knock, who’s home? Fuckin’ nobody. Then I revisited the timer. And I am here to say I’ve gotten more accomplished in the past three weeks than I have in the past five months. 25 mins on, 5 min break. Rinse repeat I love it. I love working on… work. *As always I’m like, “Should I post this? Who needs this post?” But here we are.*
I was recently told by a life coach – yep, saw one, see one – that Pisces ppl like myself swim around carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And that all of the other zodiac signs are SOCIOPATHS WHO FEEL NOTHING! Jk Given the colossal growing tension and divisiveness and the unrelenting grief surrounding the events of the past week, coupled with hormone shots for an upcoming egg retrieval, you could say this fish has gone into some dark waters. The kind of waters where those fish with the scary lightbulb hanging in front of their faces sneak up on you. Gah! So, yeah, a bit dysthymic over here, to say the least. Here are some things that are helping me get through the day. Maybe they’ll help you, too. Dunno. 1) first pic is just one I like to lure you innnn. Got a blowout that day. Feels nice to feel nice. Are blow-outs an effective treatment plan for depression? I’d say so. 2) @headspace ten minutes a day. Right now I’m doing the “Handling Sadness” pack and Andy – the headspace dude – teaches you this cool visualization technique that literally makes you feel like you’re floating. Into it! 3) @stasiapatwell said that she put this on her bathroom mirror and it helped her. So I did it. Tough to believe in miracles when innocent people have died and continue to die. But I’m leaving it up for now. It’s my Lasso #Believe sign for now. 4) I take Wellbutrin for depression. It has changed my life. Not saying you need meds, or even believe in taking meds, but I need meds. And I’m grateful for them. 5) @dopequeenpheebs told me about this method, The Pomodoro method. She said it helped her focus. I was like, “Eh not working for me, but glad it works for you.” Then I hit a point during the strike where I could not bring myself to write or ideate or create… nothing in my brain. Just a dog chasing a squirrel up there. Knock knock, who’s home? Fuckin’ nobody. Then I revisited the timer. And I am here to say I’ve gotten more accomplished in the past three weeks than I have in the past five months. 25 mins on, 5 min break. Rinse repeat I love it. I love working on… work. *As always I’m like, “Should I post this? Who needs this post?” But here we are.*
I was recently told by a life coach – yep, saw one, see one – that Pisces ppl like myself swim around carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. And that all of the other zodiac signs are SOCIOPATHS WHO FEEL NOTHING! Jk Given the colossal growing tension and divisiveness and the unrelenting grief surrounding the events of the past week, coupled with hormone shots for an upcoming egg retrieval, you could say this fish has gone into some dark waters. The kind of waters where those fish with the scary lightbulb hanging in front of their faces sneak up on you. Gah! So, yeah, a bit dysthymic over here, to say the least. Here are some things that are helping me get through the day. Maybe they’ll help you, too. Dunno. 1) first pic is just one I like to lure you innnn. Got a blowout that day. Feels nice to feel nice. Are blow-outs an effective treatment plan for depression? I’d say so. 2) @headspace ten minutes a day. Right now I’m doing the “Handling Sadness” pack and Andy – the headspace dude – teaches you this cool visualization technique that literally makes you feel like you’re floating. Into it! 3) @stasiapatwell said that she put this on her bathroom mirror and it helped her. So I did it. Tough to believe in miracles when innocent people have died and continue to die. But I’m leaving it up for now. It’s my Lasso #Believe sign for now. 4) I take Wellbutrin for depression. It has changed my life. Not saying you need meds, or even believe in taking meds, but I need meds. And I’m grateful for them. 5) @dopequeenpheebs told me about this method, The Pomodoro method. She said it helped her focus. I was like, “Eh not working for me, but glad it works for you.” Then I hit a point during the strike where I could not bring myself to write or ideate or create… nothing in my brain. Just a dog chasing a squirrel up there. Knock knock, who’s home? Fuckin’ nobody. Then I revisited the timer. And I am here to say I’ve gotten more accomplished in the past three weeks than I have in the past five months. 25 mins on, 5 min break. Rinse repeat I love it. I love working on… work. *As always I’m like, “Should I post this? Who needs this post?” But here we are.*
Thanks to everyone who came out to @hollywoodimprov tonight for my @netflixisajoke show!
Thanks to everyone who came out to @hollywoodimprov tonight for my @netflixisajoke show!
Ture story. This really happened at a wedding. The hilarious @reallyjamielee joins us and @danielvankirk @dumbpeopletown podcast to figure out how much to tip the wedding DJ for this. #WAP #wedding #DJ #Tip #partyfoul
Tis the season 🍂🍁🎄🎅 🦃 #holidays #jokes #standup #throwback
Gimme a 💗 in the comments if you’re as violently well-adjusted as I am! #standup #standupcomedy #jokes @betterhalfcomedy
What’s it like being a writer? (Cc @rayna.cahill @thescotteason who joined me in this end-of-show q&a) #tvwriting #tvwriter #jokes #standup #standupcomedy
Miss you always, Skymall ✌️ #tb to a fun time on a fun podcast @shoesoffpod
🪦Rest In P…🪦
Was she an intern? College credit? What was her majora?
