Elizabeth Smart Instagram – A few weeks after being rescued, I went to church with my family. I had a cold, and so during the service, I excused myself to blow my nose in the bathroom. What I didn’t realize is that a strange lady followed me in and started accusing me of actually wanting to be with my captor. She accused me of awful things, one of which was that I actually wanted to be with my captor, that I just shut down. Luckily, my sister came and saved me, and a bunch of other things happened that I won’t bore you with (plus, you can learn all about it in my course, Wholehearted Consent). The reason why I bring up this point is sometimes you “consent” because you are in survival mode, and that is the safer choice at the moment. Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., renowned s3x educator, does a beautiful job defining unwilling consent. When I read the definition, I was like, “YES! She nailed it!” “When I fear the consequences of saying no more than I fear the consequences of saying yes.” Now, to clarify, I never said yes to my captor. But I did have the survival mindset on, as do many other s3xual assault survivors do. Acquiescing does not mean they “wanted to.” rather, they were simply trying to survive. We all need to sit with this definition and understand that a verbal yes does not always mean willing consent. Understanding this nuance is critical if we are going to show up wholeheartedly and support s3xual assault survivors.