Alison Sudol

Alison Sudol Instagram – it’s halloween and it’s diwali, and it’s been a strange old energy over here. light and dark bumping up against each other all day, life and death. my children vacillating between joy/ howling. big one so bravely handed out candy to big kids at our door, so patiently honoring our agreement that one single bar of the great big bag would be theirs tomorrow afternoon (when sugar crazies can be run off at the park) while little one kept snatching the brightly colored sweets, trying to hide them behind their back like we couldn’t see. I love them so much it catches my breath… I found out someone I knew passed away suddenly- the news keeps sliding over me. I can’t take it in. How does one make sense of death? It doesn’t make any sense. One day you’re chatting nonsense, the next and they’re gone. The fireworks are going off and I can’t help but think about the many places this sound means the opposite of celebration. I would ordinarily go straight to guilt shame, a survivor’s guilt extending to all of humanity. But does that help anyone, really? When life is so fleeting, so precious, really, mustn’t we celebrate what we can? Can that be done without abandoning the grief? What would light be without darkness? Now, I took this picture two nights ago, after something happened that might have changed the course of my life. This moment showed up, I met it with the fullness of my being I wanted to mark it. But then I looked at the picture, annoyed at the mascara under my eyes (from rubbing them again again in sheer wonder), embarrassed at the thought of posting something which could not materialize into anything blah blah. So I didn’t post it. But because writing even when I feel dumb about it is the new thing I’m trying, because I needed a picture and all the Halloween photos I have of my kids have their faces in them I don’t do that on here, well I’m using this one of me mug. Now that moment has found a way to be marked, which feels like betting on my own horse. A prayer of sorts: may that day indeed change the course of things, may I keep learning to hold hands with light dark, and may our friends go into the shimmering skies, into the unknown in peace. | Posted on 01/Nov/2024 03:54:33