Addison Timlin

Addison Timlin Instagram – You turning 7 feels like touching a hot stove. The shock so searing and humbling it takes my breath away. Just like the moment I took a pregnancy test that said “yes.” I was listening to Billie Holiday sing “I’ll be seeing you” -the second reason for your middle name. I’d never been so happy about anything in my whole life. My earliest memories of independent play are pretending to give birth, bearing down to a baby doll I would hold so tenderly. Having a C-section felt like ripping my heart out- I was so angry at how my body had forsaken me. I’d only ever asked it to do one thing. Then you were in the NICU, a place where the ringing in your ears takes the shape of a room. Terrified, I’d sit next to you in the incubator, counting the minutes til we could try breastfeeding on our own. I’d squeeze my swollen nipple into your tiny mouth and watch it fall out. Screaming inside, the fear so overwhelming “not this too” I thought. The moment you latched was the quietest moment of all time, all the sound went out. The ecstasy I had imagined of pulling you into this life replaced by the connection of us sustaining it. I learned to trust you. You continue to amaze me everyday- in the ways you are unique and tender, the way you love and witness and express your feelings. When you tell me you didn’t hear me because you were “looking out the window imagining things that haven’t even happened”- I gasp. When I tuck you in for bed and you say “I’m going to cry and I don’t even know the reason” – I tell you to let it out. The other day I yelled and you turned to me gently suggesting that I take a break. I left the room and heard you tell your sister “don’t worry, she just needs a moment to calm her body down.” You met me with your presence and gave me back mine. I am so proud of you, in awe of you, so extraordinarily forgiving of my body because of the way it assembled your cells into being. For doing the one thing I asked. For doing it so perfectly. I am awash with joy at the tether to this planet you have given me, cherishing the steps we take together, trusting each step you take on your own. I love you so truly. I’ll forever be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you. | Posted on 20/Oct/2025 23:01:58