Alexandra Daddario

Alexandra Daddario Instagram – “Hi, I’m looking for enlightenment”
“Then you’ve come to the wrong place.”
“But-“
“You saw the sign?”
“Well, yes, the sign says-“
“Yes it says to come in for enlightenment. I know. My boss made us put it up.”
“Oh.”
“He thought it would get more people in here if they thought we could, like, enlighten them, or whatever. But we can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because we are very rule oriented, but the rules are arbitrary. That just confuses people and makes them angry, sometimes.”
“What’s one of your rules?”
“Um, any interaction with a client has to be written down in great detail and then emailed to them. If they don’t respond acknowledging said interaction, we email them a bunch more times.”
“Wait-“
“If people are, say, 5 minutes early for class, we have to yell at them for being too early.”
“In a yoga studio? I’m surprised-“
“Also, no one is allowed to sit in the back, right corner of the yoga room.”
“What’s wrong with the back, right corner?”
“It’s nice there. It’s the hottest part and condensation from the pipes doesn’t drip on anyone there, so it’s reserved for VIP’s. But-“
(He lowers his voice to a whisper) “there are never any VIP’s.”
“Okay-“
“People gossip a lot. They claim territory in the yoga room, and they have cliques. We sign people up for contracts but the secret is- you can never get out of the contract. We tell them to send a letter to the corporate office, but there is no corporate office. It’s just the boss’s buddy Jimbo’s house, Jimbo from high school back in Wisconsin. Jimbo’s favorite thing to do is smoke and read the letters, because people get so mad and the letters just get increasingly unhinged.”
“That sounds pretty weird.”
“Jimbo calls here every night laughing hysterically and does dramatic readings of the letters.”
Why are you telling me this?”
“Hmmm.”
“Why me?”
“I would have felt badly. It’s the damn sign. ‘For enlightenment, ENTER HERE.’I think there are some people I don’t care about screwing with, but I think, maybe, maybe I just can’t do it anymore.”
“Ok.
“I have no enlightenment to offer.”
“Ok. I’m still gonna take class because you’re closest to my apartment.”
“Wow. Just remember- whatever you do-do not sit in the back, right corner.” | Posted on 21/Nov/2025 04:40:47