Kelly Overton Instagram – Many children grow up believing that mistakes are not part of learning…but a sign that something is wrong with them.
In homes and classrooms, children absorb what’s safe not just what’s said.
If a mistake is met with harshness, shame, or punishment, the child doesn’t just feel “wrong” they feel defective.
And when that pattern repeats, they internalize a dangerous belief: that their worth is measured by how perfectly they perform. This is where fixed mindsets are born.
In her groundbreaking book “Mindset”, psychologist Carol Dweck explains how children praised for being “smart” or punished for failure often avoid challenge, fear effort, and interpret setbacks as personal inadequacies. Over time, they become afraid to try or unable to handle a mistake because deep down, they believe it says something shameful about who they are. To them, failure does not feel safe.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, reframes mistakes as essential stepping stones. It teaches children that ability can be developed, intelligence is not fixed, and that failure is not an identity, it’s a teacher.
So what can we do?
— Praise effort, not outcome.
— Normalize mistakes as part of mastery.
— Respond to errors without shame. That also means not responding to a child’s adaptive shame response with even more shame.
— Treat the moment of failure with dignity and curiosity.
When we do this, we don’t just teach a child to succeed…
We teach them they are safe to grow.
Carol Dweck’s Mindset is a must read for anyone parenting, teaching, or mentoring the next generation. | Posted on 12/Nov/2025 01:40:19
