Kelly Overton Instagram – Psychologist Gabor Maté says every child has two basic needs: attachment and authenticity. When those conflict, kids will always choose attachment over authenticity because survival depends on connection. The cost? They decide a part of them is “bad,” repress it, and abandon pieces of themselves to stay loved.
Our job as parents is to notice that trade and to do our best to make sure love never hinges on performance. What that looks like: saying “I love who you are, not what you do” before the grade or the goal; connecting then correcting; praising effort, courage, and kindness, not just outcomes; holding firm, kind limits without withdrawing affection; making room for big feelings without shaming; inviting their preferences (and their “no”); and repairing when we miss it.
So we practice repair: catch ourselves, name the miss, apologize, and remind them you don’t have to be different to be loved here. We swap control for curiosity, set firm and kind boundaries, and keep inviting their full self back to the table. And we point them beyond us, to a God whose steady love can meet their deepest needs.
In the end, kids don’t need perfect parents; they need present ones. Presence, love, humility, and consistent repair grow the kind of attachment where authenticity can come home. | Posted on 17/Sep/2025 21:11:41
