Juliane Wurm Instagram – When I stood on my first podium of a European Youth Cup as a teen I was very happy, but I felt like I was only lucky. Later on in World Cup finals I often felt like I didn’t belong there and could very soon be unmasked. I was worried that I just wouldn’t get into any of the starting positions and people would be wondering what I was doing there. I felt like I got there, because I was mostly lucky, other people failed for inexplicable reasons or were injured and would have been way stronger than me,… When I failed on the other hand I never thought other people were extremely lucky, but that I just climbed crap, that I needed to train more, that I was too heavy, that I wasn’t focussed or whatever… In general I was often times way more afraid of failing than eager to win. . During my first years of med school I was terrified how I’d explain to my family and friends if I’d fail and be exmatriculated. I fantasized about just going underground to some remote place or some other country if that’d happen. Even after finishing med school, over the last couple of months, I had some weird moments where I feared someone could just come and strip me of the degree. Underlying these fears and feelings is some sort of shame that I keep thinking would come with failure and showing weakness. I grew up in an environment where I was always highly supported in things I’m good at and failure was rather analyzed or tried to avoid. I did fail at many things, but I am still extremely bad at talking about it due to the potential shame that comes with it. By not talking about my failures and weaknesses I sometimes feel like I’m biasing my surrounding and creating expectations I’m not able to match, which inevitably enhances the fear of failing and the feeling of being a little bit of an impostor.