Ali Bastian Instagram – Anyone else feeling really Octobery???? I’ve been in such a funk the last couple of days, as if I could feel the storm brewing. I couldn’t connect with what it was that was going on for me, I just felt heavy, tired and anxty. Then, strangely, it all came to a head. I’d been referred for a scan about 8 months ago as I’ve had terrible mid-cycle pain since having Isla, I’d figured the wait must have been due to the pandemic, so I put it to the back of my mind. After a chat with @angeliquepanagos yesterday, I got the cosmic kick up the arse to chase it up – only to discover that I wasn’t on the list at all and that I was considered a ‘no show’ as I’d ‘missed’ two appointments – I hadn’t received a single letter! Maybe the post, maybe hospital admin… who knows. I was also told brilliantly the NHS aims to see you in 5 weeks if you have been referred for a scan. I had no idea! So I was told they could squeeze me in today as they had a cancellation. And then it hit me, the fear that I had buried that something was wrong. The guilt that I had put myself and my health to the very bottom of the endless ‘to do list.’ I’d let myself slip through the net – I know better than do do that – and I was afraid. I’ve always tried to brave things out and have struggled to name my emotions in the moment – but I thought I’d try something different. So I rang my mum. I rang my mum and told her how scared I was … and then I cried and cried some more. I told her I was tired as I’d had little sleep and by the end of the conversation I felt more able to walk into the appointment alone. I had the loveliest sonographer and I thought I would try it again… ‘I’m nervous about this procedure and I’m scared about the results… this has waited far too long and I’ve been in a lot of pain.’ She heard me. She was so kind and thorough and at the end, gave me the all clear! And exhale!!! I walked out of her room and there standing in the corridor was my little mum, who had managed somehow to talk her way into the hospital (definitely where I get my negotiation skills from.) She gave me the biggest hug and I cried some more. I am a mother now, but in that moment, I needed my mum… and there she was.