Elizabeth Smart Instagram – Handling Family and Consent.
I’ve gotten this question a few times in my comments and stories. I’ve put them together into one question to hit many points simultaneously.
Q: “I don’t force my kid to hug/kiss anyone, not even me. As we greet our family, I ask my kid, “Would you like to hug or high-five Grandpa?”
My family is critical of this practice. I’m worried about the comments my kid might receive from the family members. What do I do?”
A: Teaching body autonomy is critical to creating a culture of consent. Body autonomy is having the power and ability to make choices for your body.
Teaching body autonomy protects kids from future s3xual abuse and assault.
Kids aged 1-12 should know they can choose how they give and receive affection.
They’ll still have to take baths and wear seatbelts, but they call the shots regarding affection.
While many people were forced to hug and kiss their family and never experienced r*pe or abuse, many have. The argument, “We made you do it, and everything was fine.” is survivorship bias.
We now know 93% of abuse comes from someone we know, 70% of abuse happens to people 17 and under, and 50% of people who mol3sted a child under the age of 6 were family members (YWCA Factsheet).
Our kids need to know that they don’t owe ANYONE affection. If anyone, even a family member, compromises that, we will back our child up EVERY TIME.
Now, if the adults in your kids’ life want to make comments to the child, SHUT IT DOWN. It’s inappropriate. Your child is not responsible for their happiness or feeling loved.
FIRMLY explain that you will not tolerate having your child talked to like that. If they want to learn more, they can talk to you privately.
Often, when people understand that this protects the kid from abuse and that most abuse comes from someone the kid knows, it’s respected.
If not, and the boundary is pushed, stop hanging out with that family member completely or only when your child(ren) is absent.
If you want to improve your consent practice, you can take my Wholehearted Consent Course. Use the code CONSENT for $33 off.
www.wholeheartedconsent.com | Posted on 14/Jun/2023 19:19:52



