Handling Family and Consent.
I’ve gotten this question a few times in my comments and stories. I’ve put them together into one question to hit many points simultaneously.
Q: “I don’t force my kid to hug/kiss anyone, not even me. As we greet our family, I ask my kid, “Would you like to hug or high-five Grandpa?”
My family is critical of this practice. I’m worried about the comments my kid might receive from the family members. What do I do?”
A: Teaching body autonomy is critical to creating a culture of consent. Body autonomy is having the power and ability to make choices for your body.
Teaching body autonomy protects kids from future s3xual abuse and assault.
Kids aged 1-12 should know they can choose how they give and receive affection.
They’ll still have to take baths and wear seatbelts, but they call the shots regarding affection.
While many people were forced to hug and kiss their family and never experienced r*pe or abuse, many have. The argument, “We made you do it, and everything was fine.” is survivorship bias.
We now know 93% of abuse comes from someone we know, 70% of abuse happens to people 17 and under, and 50% of people who mol3sted a child under the age of 6 were family members (YWCA Factsheet).
Our kids need to know that they don’t owe ANYONE affection. If anyone, even a family member, compromises that, we will back our child up EVERY TIME.
Now, if the adults in your kids’ life want to make comments to the child, SHUT IT DOWN. It’s inappropriate. Your child is not responsible for their happiness or feeling loved.
FIRMLY explain that you will not tolerate having your child talked to like that. If they want to learn more, they can talk to you privately.
Often, when people understand that this protects the kid from abuse and that most abuse comes from someone the kid knows, it’s respected.
If not, and the boundary is pushed, stop hanging out with that family member completely or only when your child(ren) is absent.
If you want to improve your consent practice, you can take my Wholehearted Consent Course. Use the code CONSENT for $33 off.
www.wholeheartedconsent.com
Today marks the third annual educational summit put on by @malouffoundation and @elizabethsmartfoundation it’s one of our biggest events every year where we spend the day sharing information, data, experiences, and ideas in how to combat sexual exploitation and its many forms. I’m so very deeply grateful to all the speakers and attendees who contributed so generously of their time today. I feel so encouraged that so many people care so deeply about these issues. There is so much to share but I feel my little daughter summed it up best last night when I was tucking her into bed and she asked what I was doing today and I tried to explain what the summit was and what we are trying to achieve. She so succinctly said, “we just need to get all the grown ups to protect all the kids.” I think that pretty much sums up everything for me. ❤️
Today marks the third annual educational summit put on by @malouffoundation and @elizabethsmartfoundation it’s one of our biggest events every year where we spend the day sharing information, data, experiences, and ideas in how to combat sexual exploitation and its many forms. I’m so very deeply grateful to all the speakers and attendees who contributed so generously of their time today. I feel so encouraged that so many people care so deeply about these issues. There is so much to share but I feel my little daughter summed it up best last night when I was tucking her into bed and she asked what I was doing today and I tried to explain what the summit was and what we are trying to achieve. She so succinctly said, “we just need to get all the grown ups to protect all the kids.” I think that pretty much sums up everything for me. ❤️
Today marks the third annual educational summit put on by @malouffoundation and @elizabethsmartfoundation it’s one of our biggest events every year where we spend the day sharing information, data, experiences, and ideas in how to combat sexual exploitation and its many forms. I’m so very deeply grateful to all the speakers and attendees who contributed so generously of their time today. I feel so encouraged that so many people care so deeply about these issues. There is so much to share but I feel my little daughter summed it up best last night when I was tucking her into bed and she asked what I was doing today and I tried to explain what the summit was and what we are trying to achieve. She so succinctly said, “we just need to get all the grown ups to protect all the kids.” I think that pretty much sums up everything for me. ❤️
Today marks the third annual educational summit put on by @malouffoundation and @elizabethsmartfoundation it’s one of our biggest events every year where we spend the day sharing information, data, experiences, and ideas in how to combat sexual exploitation and its many forms. I’m so very deeply grateful to all the speakers and attendees who contributed so generously of their time today. I feel so encouraged that so many people care so deeply about these issues. There is so much to share but I feel my little daughter summed it up best last night when I was tucking her into bed and she asked what I was doing today and I tried to explain what the summit was and what we are trying to achieve. She so succinctly said, “we just need to get all the grown ups to protect all the kids.” I think that pretty much sums up everything for me. ❤️
Today marks the third annual educational summit put on by @malouffoundation and @elizabethsmartfoundation it’s one of our biggest events every year where we spend the day sharing information, data, experiences, and ideas in how to combat sexual exploitation and its many forms. I’m so very deeply grateful to all the speakers and attendees who contributed so generously of their time today. I feel so encouraged that so many people care so deeply about these issues. There is so much to share but I feel my little daughter summed it up best last night when I was tucking her into bed and she asked what I was doing today and I tried to explain what the summit was and what we are trying to achieve. She so succinctly said, “we just need to get all the grown ups to protect all the kids.” I think that pretty much sums up everything for me. ❤️
Consent Conversation with India Oxenberg
We believe you with @joselewisalfaro part 1
@elizabethsmartfoundation
@kelseywells is one of the sweetest people and cares so deeply. I was so lucky to be invited onto her podcast yesterday that is released today @redefinefitnesspodcast
If you are looking for something to listen to while you drive to work or clean your house check it out ❤️
Have you seen this video of Lucille Ball that’s been rolling around social media platforms?
Once I saw the clip, I just had to watch the original. And let me tell you what a good lesson it is in power dynamics.
Here’s the background.
Lucille Ball is doing a question-and-answer seminar for the theater arts students at UCLA for the broadcast America Alive! First-year through graduate students are present.
There are three roving cohosts, Jack Linkletter, the actual show host. Gary Morton, Lucille’s husband, and some random media critic named David something (I couldn’t catch it). All three go up and down the aisles letting the students ask Lucy questions.
In the clip, Lucy calls out David for putting his hands around the women’s shoulders or backs when they ask questions.
Maybe you give David a pass. He is just getting close for the camera angle. It’s harmless. Right?
Wrong.
When you watch the original, you’ll see that Gary and Jack respect people’s personal space and select a mixture of male and female students to ask questions.
On top of inappropriately touching people, David is called out for only selecting female students.
Power dynamics is the ability to influence or control other people’s decisions. This influence is due to gender, race, age, perceived attractiveness, physical size, strength, social status, financial capacity, and/or job title.
These female students David selected to ask a question didn’t have the power to say, “No, don’t touch me.” They are on a television show, and they are students and aspiring actors wanting to gain access to Comedienne Extraordinaire Lucille Ball’s wisdom. There are serious power imbalances at play here.
You rarely see someone advocate so quickly and directly for others, but Lucy doesn’t skip a beat. She corrects him every single time.
Understanding power dynamics is critical to practicing wholehearted consent. If you want people to be able to consent freely, you must consider the power imbalances at play.
#wholeheartedconsent #consenteducation #powerdynamics
Attempt #1 of @britishbakeoff season 14 episode 3 technical “Paul Hollywood’s Devonshire Splits”
In my stories yesterday, I gave people the opportunity to share with me their consent questions.
I did a poll for this one because I was curious about all of your responses. And here’s what they were (see photo).
The original question was, If it’s not a “yes,” if it’s a reluctant “sure” or “maybe” is that consent?
I’m so pleased that so many of you said, no, thats not consent.
I agree, it’s not consent.
Why?
Because body language matters, tone of voice matters that the person used the word reluctant which means, unwilling and hesitant, disinclined. Tells me a lot about the mental and emotional place that that person is in. Their heart is not into it.
I’m so glad so many of you would not accept that as consent. It keeps people and intimacy safe.
Two days ago, I went live with fantastic consent educator Rosalia Rivera from @consentparenting. She shared with me a fact that I didn’t know. 90% of child sexual abuse can be PREVENTED through education (you can catch the replay on my Instagram).
I had to dig deeper. I knew education was key in prevention, but didn’t realize how important it was.
As I googled that factoid, the first hit was from the Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute, and according to their research, 95% of abuse can be prevented.
THAT’S EVEN BETTER NEWS!!!!
Simply by providing children, parents, and educators with the knowledge and tools they need to recognize and prevent sexual abuse, we can significantly reduce the incidence of this heinous crime.
As a society, we protect our children from harm and ensure they grow up in a safe and healthy environment. That’s why it’s so important to prioritize education around sexual abuse prevention.
Children can learn to identify inappropriate behavior, set boundaries, and speak up if something doesn’t feel right through age-appropriate curriculum and training. Parents and caregivers can also learn to have open and honest conversations with their children about their bodies, boundaries, and consent. And educators can be equipped with the tools and resources they need to create safe and supportive learning environments for their students.
I’m proud to have expanded my advocacy and education work to include my Wholehearted Consent course.
Preventing sexual abuse by investing in education and raising awareness about this critical issue. Together, we can create a safer and brighter future for our children.
You can purchase my course at wholeheartedconsent.com or check the link in my bio.
#PreventionIsPossible #EndChildSexualAbuse #EducationMatters
#Wholeheartedconsent
Consent chat with @birdsandbeesask.me
We Believe You!!!! Part 2 with @joselewisalfaro
@elizabethsmartfoundation
So pleased to do this mini collab with @elizabeth_smart_official to remind you that sexual violence is about power, not seduction.
Rather than simply handing people (especially women) a laundry list of things they “should” and “shouldn’t” do, we need to dig deeper and address the root of the rampant sexual violence we see in our society.
This is not to say that safety precautions aren’t necessary–they are, especially given that the culture of a society doesn’t change overnight.
However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that the list of do’s and don’ts can literally go on forever and it’s impossible to do all of them – beyond that, there is no one sure way to prevent sexual violence given that it’s motivated by a person’s desire to control another human being.
TL;DR : The burden of sexual violence prevention needs to be shifted from the (potential) victims/survivors to the (potential) perps, most of whom are men.
#sexualviolence #sexualassault #rape #endrapeculture #victimblaming #believesurvivors
So pleased to do this mini collab with @elizabeth_smart_official to remind you that sexual violence is about power, not seduction.
Rather than simply handing people (especially women) a laundry list of things they “should” and “shouldn’t” do, we need to dig deeper and address the root of the rampant sexual violence we see in our society.
This is not to say that safety precautions aren’t necessary–they are, especially given that the culture of a society doesn’t change overnight.
However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that the list of do’s and don’ts can literally go on forever and it’s impossible to do all of them – beyond that, there is no one sure way to prevent sexual violence given that it’s motivated by a person’s desire to control another human being.
TL;DR : The burden of sexual violence prevention needs to be shifted from the (potential) victims/survivors to the (potential) perps, most of whom are men.
#sexualviolence #sexualassault #rape #endrapeculture #victimblaming #believesurvivors
Now that most schools are out, I want to offer everyone a free educational opportunity. I’m going to be hosting five Instagram Lives next week. Check out our presenters and the times we’ll be going live.
Now that most schools are out, I want to offer everyone a free educational opportunity. I’m going to be hosting five Instagram Lives next week. Check out our presenters and the times we’ll be going live.
Now that most schools are out, I want to offer everyone a free educational opportunity. I’m going to be hosting five Instagram Lives next week. Check out our presenters and the times we’ll be going live.
Now that most schools are out, I want to offer everyone a free educational opportunity. I’m going to be hosting five Instagram Lives next week. Check out our presenters and the times we’ll be going live.
Now that most schools are out, I want to offer everyone a free educational opportunity. I’m going to be hosting five Instagram Lives next week. Check out our presenters and the times we’ll be going live.
Go to my stories and ask your consent questions. I’m going to do a huge Q & A next week. If your question is too long for the box and you don’t mind everyone seeing your question, feel free to comment below.
