Mela Murder Instagram – 4 years sober soon. Whenever I reflect on my sobriety i always think of Mac. I still can’t believe addiction took him from us. I wish it hadn’t. I wish he were still here, his overdose keeps sobriety into perspective when I’m really struggling with relapse triggers. Life is precious and worth being healthy and present for. That fact doesn’t always compensate the reality of Life not being easy to exist in and understand. I do think it’s natural to desire escapism when the intensity of life feels unbearable. But poisoning ourselves for the sake of not feeling isn’t the answer.. who knows what the future holds for me as far as my relationship with alcohol goes.. i do miss drinking I don’t miss the blacks outs or the chaos or shame that always came with it. I really do romanticize the idea of me working up the tolerance and self control to drink responsibly Im also completely aware those thoughts are delusional I’ll never be a responsible drinker I wasn’t meant to be . I’m an addict in active sobriety and I hope I’m able to keep choosing this. I hope!