My holiday makeup look! ✨ Special thanks to @typologyparis for the shimmery T31 Glow Drops with 5% Vitamin C! On my face in the order they appear: – @typologyparis’ 9-Ingredient Face Moisturizer (already applied) – @officialbyredo’s Colour Stick in “Chin of Gold” – @maybelline’s The City Mini Palette in “Rooftop Bronzes” – @lorealparis’s Voluminous Superstar Eyeliner – @tartecosmetics’s Big Ego Mascara (my favorite!!) – @typologyparis’s T31 Glow Drops – @typologyparis’s Lip Oil in “Powder Pink” Sparkle and shine, babies! #makeup #makeupideas #holidaymakeup
Adding a splash of color to your January! 🧡🦋 Earrings by @kendrascott, ring from my grandmother, recycled plastics bodysuit from @we_are_hah! 📸: @ryanessmaker
Takeaways From Existing When you have so much to share that you cannot say a single thing. When the ribbons of existence tangle your limbs, Surrender. Stillness is where you are truthful. In silence, Broken only by titmice and the rustle of chaparral, Is where you are you. From chaos we came And chaotically we pass. The in-between is for rest. What if this is the break from existence You so desire? The nap eternal that blinks like an eye? What if you have already killed your soul And this is its resurrection? What if it’s not And you have so much further to go? Let opportunities go to waste. Streamline your chances Into something more beautiful, More pure, more you. Muscle relaxers make me thoughtful. Perhaps only when my body is limp, Free of anxiety’s tension, The momentum of living slowed To the heartbeat and breath of my Autonomic nervous system So that I might simply be, Can I remember who I am. What I value. What I must do, And do nothing else. I’ve never lost myself but oh How I have abandoned her. She waits for me with childlike stoicism. Guileless and knowing, Earnest and erotic, Clear-eyed and lush with patience. This is me. Hi there, lovely. What truths do you observe today? ••• For 2024.
Grateful for another day of waking in calm silence, comfy bedding, with food in my fridge and loved ones close by. 🌅
When I moved to LA at 17, my acting coach said I needed voice lessons ASAP. Not for singing—just for speaking. I couldn’t perform anger. I couldn’t raise my voice. It pip-squeaked and locked in my throat, ballooning in my choked vocal cords with every other unacceptable emotion I’d become an expert at suppressing. Anger curdled alongside fear, doubt, and the ringing conviction of truth. These reverberated through me as suicidal depression, manifesting in my body with excruciating neck and jaw issues that had me on a liquid diet for days at a time. My body wouldn’t even let me pretend to be angry, so afraid was she of opening a door to disobedience. “Your chakras are all blocked,” my New Agey voice coach told me. “Especially your root and throat chakras.” Of course, she speaking demonic. She was possessed by the devil luring me away from chastity and agency—my deliberately locked base chakra, red like sin; and my silenced throat chakra, blue like truth. My voice coach could not be trusted. Yet God had called me to acting and the acting teacher he’d led me to referred me to this woman who wore crystals around her bosom and spoke in the evil language of Satantic Hinduism. Was my tutelage with her a test from God to see if I’d let Satan sway me into swaying my hips or using my voice? Or were my lessons a beckoning to know God’s different expressions in another culture? I now look back with gratitude for my voice coach, Rowena Balos, who unwittingly acted as a stepping stone toward my freedom. She not only helped my acting—she helped me save my life. My throat swells with emotion right now to think of it. I let out a breath that sounds like a whimper of relief and grief at the same time. Today, @tialevingswriter posted an article on her Substack, #TheAntiFundamentalist, called “Why Kelly Johnson Sounds Like Michelle Duggar: Understanding the Childlike Voices of Fundamentalist Women.” Like most things Tia writes, I resonate with. If you’re curious as to why many women in the Christian Right speak in small, breathy, nasally tones, it’s because we were trained to. 👉🏼 Link @tialevingswriter’s bio to learn more. #christianwives #purityculture
When I moved to LA at 17, my acting coach said I needed voice lessons ASAP. Not for singing—just for speaking. I couldn’t perform anger. I couldn’t raise my voice. It pip-squeaked and locked in my throat, ballooning in my choked vocal cords with every other unacceptable emotion I’d become an expert at suppressing. Anger curdled alongside fear, doubt, and the ringing conviction of truth. These reverberated through me as suicidal depression, manifesting in my body with excruciating neck and jaw issues that had me on a liquid diet for days at a time. My body wouldn’t even let me pretend to be angry, so afraid was she of opening a door to disobedience. “Your chakras are all blocked,” my New Agey voice coach told me. “Especially your root and throat chakras.” Of course, she speaking demonic. She was possessed by the devil luring me away from chastity and agency—my deliberately locked base chakra, red like sin; and my silenced throat chakra, blue like truth. My voice coach could not be trusted. Yet God had called me to acting and the acting teacher he’d led me to referred me to this woman who wore crystals around her bosom and spoke in the evil language of Satantic Hinduism. Was my tutelage with her a test from God to see if I’d let Satan sway me into swaying my hips or using my voice? Or were my lessons a beckoning to know God’s different expressions in another culture? I now look back with gratitude for my voice coach, Rowena Balos, who unwittingly acted as a stepping stone toward my freedom. She not only helped my acting—she helped me save my life. My throat swells with emotion right now to think of it. I let out a breath that sounds like a whimper of relief and grief at the same time. Today, @tialevingswriter posted an article on her Substack, #TheAntiFundamentalist, called “Why Kelly Johnson Sounds Like Michelle Duggar: Understanding the Childlike Voices of Fundamentalist Women.” Like most things Tia writes, I resonate with. If you’re curious as to why many women in the Christian Right speak in small, breathy, nasally tones, it’s because we were trained to. 👉🏼 Link @tialevingswriter’s bio to learn more. #christianwives #purityculture
When I moved to LA at 17, my acting coach said I needed voice lessons ASAP. Not for singing—just for speaking. I couldn’t perform anger. I couldn’t raise my voice. It pip-squeaked and locked in my throat, ballooning in my choked vocal cords with every other unacceptable emotion I’d become an expert at suppressing. Anger curdled alongside fear, doubt, and the ringing conviction of truth. These reverberated through me as suicidal depression, manifesting in my body with excruciating neck and jaw issues that had me on a liquid diet for days at a time. My body wouldn’t even let me pretend to be angry, so afraid was she of opening a door to disobedience. “Your chakras are all blocked,” my New Agey voice coach told me. “Especially your root and throat chakras.” Of course, she speaking demonic. She was possessed by the devil luring me away from chastity and agency—my deliberately locked base chakra, red like sin; and my silenced throat chakra, blue like truth. My voice coach could not be trusted. Yet God had called me to acting and the acting teacher he’d led me to referred me to this woman who wore crystals around her bosom and spoke in the evil language of Satantic Hinduism. Was my tutelage with her a test from God to see if I’d let Satan sway me into swaying my hips or using my voice? Or were my lessons a beckoning to know God’s different expressions in another culture? I now look back with gratitude for my voice coach, Rowena Balos, who unwittingly acted as a stepping stone toward my freedom. She not only helped my acting—she helped me save my life. My throat swells with emotion right now to think of it. I let out a breath that sounds like a whimper of relief and grief at the same time. Today, @tialevingswriter posted an article on her Substack, #TheAntiFundamentalist, called “Why Kelly Johnson Sounds Like Michelle Duggar: Understanding the Childlike Voices of Fundamentalist Women.” Like most things Tia writes, I resonate with. If you’re curious as to why many women in the Christian Right speak in small, breathy, nasally tones, it’s because we were trained to. 👉🏼 Link @tialevingswriter’s bio to learn more. #christianwives #purityculture
When I moved to LA at 17, my acting coach said I needed voice lessons ASAP. Not for singing—just for speaking. I couldn’t perform anger. I couldn’t raise my voice. It pip-squeaked and locked in my throat, ballooning in my choked vocal cords with every other unacceptable emotion I’d become an expert at suppressing. Anger curdled alongside fear, doubt, and the ringing conviction of truth. These reverberated through me as suicidal depression, manifesting in my body with excruciating neck and jaw issues that had me on a liquid diet for days at a time. My body wouldn’t even let me pretend to be angry, so afraid was she of opening a door to disobedience. “Your chakras are all blocked,” my New Agey voice coach told me. “Especially your root and throat chakras.” Of course, she speaking demonic. She was possessed by the devil luring me away from chastity and agency—my deliberately locked base chakra, red like sin; and my silenced throat chakra, blue like truth. My voice coach could not be trusted. Yet God had called me to acting and the acting teacher he’d led me to referred me to this woman who wore crystals around her bosom and spoke in the evil language of Satantic Hinduism. Was my tutelage with her a test from God to see if I’d let Satan sway me into swaying my hips or using my voice? Or were my lessons a beckoning to know God’s different expressions in another culture? I now look back with gratitude for my voice coach, Rowena Balos, who unwittingly acted as a stepping stone toward my freedom. She not only helped my acting—she helped me save my life. My throat swells with emotion right now to think of it. I let out a breath that sounds like a whimper of relief and grief at the same time. Today, @tialevingswriter posted an article on her Substack, #TheAntiFundamentalist, called “Why Kelly Johnson Sounds Like Michelle Duggar: Understanding the Childlike Voices of Fundamentalist Women.” Like most things Tia writes, I resonate with. If you’re curious as to why many women in the Christian Right speak in small, breathy, nasally tones, it’s because we were trained to. 👉🏼 Link @tialevingswriter’s bio to learn more. #christianwives #purityculture
A long time ago, before terms like ‘influencer’ and ‘cancel culture’ existed, but after MySpace died and Instagram was born, a friend asked me with curious sincerity why I didn’t use what little fame I had to talk more about issues I cared about. I told him that one leftover from Christianity I still very much appreciated was Matthew 6:1-4: “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I hadn’t believed in heavenly reward for some time and still don’t, yet I do still find wisdom in this ancient verse. I’ve picked and chosen the battles I speak publicly about. Knowing my motives for speaking up or staying silent has been the key to my inner peace, no matter what critics express over either—another verse I still love is Ecclesiastes 3:1: “To everything there is a season.” A season to speak up, a season to stay quiet. This is just to affirm for those staying quiet about whatever issue you’re being pressured to make public statements about: Your motives are your own. Your intentions, actions, and inactions are your business. Donate anonymously if you wish. Learn in private without the paralyzing fear of public accountability (aka, shame). Stay strong against the tides of ignorance, peer pressure, and bullying. Silence is not always violence no matter how many guilt trips the impassioned employ. “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,” says Solomon in Proverbs 17:18, another lingering verse I love. We need no more fools. In short and for those who need this encouragement: Keep doing you.
When you match the cab, you obviously have to take a photo. 🚕 📷: @deborahandersoncreative for @thewyldsage
Do you judge people more by what they think or how they think? 💭
Santa, baby… 🎄 Fun and reindeer games all month long! 💋 📷: @ryanessmaker
Boone, my boon companion. 🤎
That chuckle of relief when you realize they are not your problem to solve. ✨ 📷: @ryanessmaker
When he asks whether I want tacos and choriqueso for dinner or stuffed crust pizza… 🌮🍕 But hear me out: pizza stuffed with choriqueso crust. Who’s with me? 📷: @ryanessmaker
Cyberweek sale at House of Simpkin, link in bio! 🦇 Vintage goodies for 25% off like this #70sBatman pullover and dresses galore!
“Spirituality strips us of our humanity by asking that we ‘remember who we really are.’ This implies that we are not a beautiful mess of apery, but something invisible and unattainable in our mortal form, yet that which we should aspire to anyway. What horseshit… Enlightenment is found *through* the body, not by denying or transcending it.” My apologies if this offends you. 😌 This excerpt is from my latest blog post, another journal entry. Many of you seem to really enjoy my more candid, less research-driven musings, and honestly, I’ve been feeling that urge to remember why I write. It was never for social validation or a balancing of perspectives but for me. How lucky am I that others might enjoy it, too? I earnestly seek out viewpoints different from my own. But it is also precious to me when I stumble across a thinkpiece I already understand, like viewing my brain from outside myself. And so I’ll share these more unfiltered thoughts on occasion, amid more my heavily researched and emotionally tempered pieces, uncensored and barely edited. This sub-series of posts on my Substack are notes that tumble from my brain to my fingertips, often in the early hours of morning. Notes I write for me, with an authority unafraid of others’ disagreement. Notes I share with you, knowing they will not resonate with everyone. No one’s thoughts will feel safe or inspiring to everyone. (Remember when that used to be a given? When disagreement was perceived not as a threat to one’s safety but as an invitation to learn? 🥲) 👉🏼 Link in bio to Unaccountable, where you’ll find my latest blog post, “Spirituality Is Inherently Dehumanizing.” #spirituality #agnostic #atheist
Fashun. 🤌🏼 Lol, all I care about is warmth, really. Most clothes I own are hand-me-downs, vintage, and presents gifted to me. It’s rare that I buy anything new but I’m not above a fast-fashion splurge that I know I’ll wear all the time. This @aritzia pencil skirt is one of those, paired with @baitfootwear heels (a birthday present), a cozy pullover (hand-me-down), an ‘80s @harleydavidson jacket (vintage), and a @carhartt beanie (gift). My sunglasses were a wedding guest favor that I happen to love and wear everyday. 🕶️ “Streetwear” is so not my thing—I’m either comfy AF in sweats or uncomfy AF in glam. But I’m trying to play more with the in-between. 🥰 Felt very me in this outfit. #vintagemeetsmodern #ootd
Friday twirls!! 💙
Mood: do not right now. Busy fall-ing. 🍂 Btw, treat yourself to this cozy sweater from @thewyldsage. You’ll live in it all winter. 📷: @deborahandersoncreative
