Hāwane Rios Instagram – ‘i carry’ algo-rhythm moment this has been such an intense season of letting go i have made so much room for my sacred rage ever so justified it’s been painful it’s been so liberating too i feel freer grateful for every part of the pilina that i have released to people that i don’t wish to walk my next journey with there are some i want to repair some i’m good with leaving where it is the day before i turned 35 memories of my childhood came back to me when i stood on Maka‘ōpio Heiau i remembered the harm i remembered the grief i remembered the hand over my mouth demanding me not to tell i remembered how that pain turned to asthma and a serious lack of boundaries and self worth i am still in the rage part because this is something my body never forgot but my mind decided to quiet so i could survive & sometimes it’s too much for me to carry but i do ‘i carry’ year after year transgression after transgression questions with no answers and then my beloved said, “healing means telling the truth” & we told each other the truth of what happened to us not the version we edited to make it palpable for everyone else but the one that really happened i’ve cried enough tears to fill the river i love for the both us it’s so crazy how remembering every detail about all this harm has made me feel so much more whole in my body i’m reclaiming what they tried to take from me for so many years of my young childhood from the part of my story that i never share from the land before time before the heavens came and chose me as their own and as much as ‘i carry’ i am carried by lehua blossoms that remind me that there is beauty in feeling everything all the way through & that i am not alone in the shattering but am the gold filling the cracks it is the light that i am it is the light that i carry Puu Huluhulu