Hāwane Rios Instagram – to be censored on this platform is triggering feels like an abusive relationship where you have to watch every word you say where you have to walk on egg shells lest you get punished for speaking your truth placing boundaries at the four corners of your body desperately reaching for the feeling that you had in the beginning when all you’ve wanted was to be seen to be loved to be validated to be treated with humanity instagram says that my posts “go against community guidelines” that i can’t add too many people on my back up page @h.a.w.a.n.e because “they have to protect the community” protect the community? are palestinians not a part of this community? my amplification of their voices and my staunch stance and solidarity has threatened meta me, alongside the millions of people doing the same so they punish like unhealed adults that just got older not so much wiser like abusive people do when they want to control you i’ve left every abusive relationship i’ve ever been in i’ve dealt with narcissist manipulators one in particular who knew how to hurt because they had been hurt knew how to twist stories to villanize knew how to weave words to paint pictures of untruths who spoke about me and unveiled personal moments to people i didn’t even know some truly empathized and yet that person kept talking then just a few months later when the cameras were back up on the mauna they called me by the name they once did and tried to talk to me tried to write to me tried to make like they didn’t just attempt to destroy me my name my queerness my reputation they sometimes tell people to tell me they said ‘aloha’ after telling untruths about me after accusing me of something i did not do after turning what was an honest mistake into a story of intentional harm got the elite friend group to block me but not before posting about me not before shaming me into depression & social anxiety not before coming to my island home to the frontlines to stare me in the face and try and intimidate me hiding behind intellect poetry and shifting eyes instagram reminds me of that person of their abuse of their harm of their ugliness