Laura Benanti Instagram – I’ve been wondering why I’ve been feeling so “off” the past few days (other than the never ending pain and suffering of a world on fire). And then I remember – – It was around this time last year that I had my fourth miscarriage. And my body remembers. My cells remember. And that makes me realize that this likely happens three other times per year. The times I feel extra “emotional” or “lonely”. Or my body aches a little more. Feels a little more foreign. I cry more easily and more often. There is no cut off point for grief. It is not linear or finite. Everyone does it differently. There is no “right way”. I’m making peace with the idea that my grief might never be gone. Quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) sitting next to me. And so we learn to sit side by side. It gets me thinking about postpartum depression and anxiety. And how we associate it primarily with new motherhood, if we acknowledge it at all. But mine is often there. Tapping me on the shoulder. Whispering in my ear. It’s smaller now, but it too might never be “gone”. So the three of us sit together – on the same bench as joy, fear, curiosity, anger, contentment, resentment, gratitude and love. And we hold hands.