Esther Perel Instagram – [Content warning: mental illness, suicide.]
Today, on World Suicide Prevention Day, my thoughts turn to those I’ve lost to suicide, especially my mentor, Rich Simon. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I wouldn’t have believed I could write without him. He encouraged me to put my ideas about love and desire on paper. He made me write eleven versions of the original article that eventually led to my first book, Mating in Captivity.
In the world of psychotherapy, Rich was a giant—an innovator who wrote about mental health and the field with a journalist’s sensibility. He was a bon vivant, a showman. He began every conference with a cabaret. He was social and loved to connect people to one another. And he also struggled with bipolar disorder for much of his life.
When people tell me about major difficulties earlier in their lives—violence, abandonment, neglect, and more—I always ask: who was there for you? Did anybody step in? Was there a person who saw and affirmed you? Did they use their position of power to lift you rather than to exploit you? What effect did this have on your life? Do they know?
The strongest protective factors against hardship are our relationships. Whether we are able to turn our adverse experiences into a resource rather than a bane often depends on how much our relationships have become resources. Accessing these resources fosters our resilience. We are lost without the presence of truly benevolent, caring people—the teacher, coach, neighbor, or family friend who didn’t put us down, who shined a spotlight on us that revealed parts of us that we didn’t know existed or didn’t value. Rich was one of those people for me. And though he had beautiful strong relationships, and major resilience, I will always wish I could have done more for him. I can’t repeat it often enough: Reach out. Don’t wait for tomorrow what you can do today.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, @crisistextline offers confidential, 24/7 assistance. Visit the link in my bio for more information. | Posted on 10/Sep/2024 20:25:32
