Roan Curtis Instagram – It’s world mental health day, so I figured I’d share a little bit about my journey in the hopes of bringing some awareness and maybe making someone feel less alone (I didn’t know what photo to post with this, so here’s a pic of my sister and I because she makes me happy and is one of my safe places). Three years ago I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. I spent so much of my life in agony and receiving the wrong kind of treatment because I honestly had no idea what OCD really entailed. I, like so many people thought it always presented as obsessive cleanliness or organization. I didn’t realize that the terrifying intrusive thoughts that would get stuck on a loop in my mind were a symptom. As was when I would lose sleep, walking around my building in my pyjamas to make sure the wasn’t a fire. Or avoiding driving because every time I did, I would worry that I had hit a pedestrian or an animal and forgotten, driving around the block again and again to make sure I hadn’t. I felt like I couldn’t trust my own brain, like I had no control over the well-worn paths it would walk circles in. Despite having the immense privilege of being in therapy, I felt so much shame that I often would keep things from my therapist (which made it very difficult to get the help I needed). I was so paralyzed by my panic that I would spend the better part of some days unable to physically move.
Getting a diagnosis was one of the most life-changing experiences I’ve ever had. I was finally able to get the specialized help that I needed, I found community in others with OCD and began to unpack the shame I had held onto for years as I realized I wasn’t so weird after all, I began to let people in in a way I never had before because I felt that I finally had words to put to my experience. I think often about how shame stopped me from getting the help I needed sooner, how lack of awareness about the many, many ways that OCD can manifest kept me from a diagnosis that quite honestly saved my life.
There are still bad days, days where I feel stuck, days where I struggle to let things go and trust my own brain, but they are fewer and farther between. (Continued in comments) | Posted on 11/Oct/2024 07:10:02
