Shannon Purser Instagram – Part Four: Acceptance
How do we heal? After we escape the siren song of self-loathing and dare to choose ourselves, how do we “handle the seasons of our lives?” A friend and I were talking recently about the unknowable, mysterious flow of life and how our attempts to bend it to our will only bring more pain and heartache.
When I was young, acceptance was seen as defeat or laziness or an excuse to be easy on myself. We were always to be striving to be like Christ, even with the knowledge that we would never reach that goal in this lifetime.
After leaving the church, I struggled with how to make peace with myself and others. How can I love myself as I am while also being committed to growth? If I don’t have to be god-like, if I don’t have to shame myself for my humanity, what are my standards of goodness? That’s when I came across the concept of radical acceptance. It’s a tool that is often used in therapy for survivors of trauma/PTSD. The gist of it is that denial or resistance of what hurts or scares us only prolongs suffering. We must accept that the past is unchangeable but we as human beings are not beyond saving. The only way to move forward is to engage with the present, to believe our histories do not define us. We look the scary truths in the eye and say “I see you. I know you are here. I can no longer leave you to fester and I will bring you into the light instead. You do not have to define me.”
It has changed the way I talk to myself. It has changed the way I view others. Instead of being seduced by binary thinking, categorizing people into good or evil, participating in wholesale condemnation, I am better able to see myself, others and life itself in its fullness. It is difficult to live in that nuance. It will mean recognizing the weakness present in all humans, no matter how evolved or progressive or compassionate we are. It also means giving grace when grace is difficult to give. I’m sure it is work I will be doing for the rest of my life and I know it will be worth it. | Posted on 12/Jun/2024 04:04:07
