Alison Sudol

Alison Sudol Instagram – so I woke up with that familiar WHAT HAVE I DONE feeling that I always get after a late night posting, followed by a rush of anger at myself. So many people saying kind things to me I don’t deserve! As both my kids say, no no NO! But instead of deleting and finding a hole to hide in, I got curious. Leaned in. What’s under this? … When I was young, I learned certain feelings were more acceptable to express than others. I think we all do. While struggling with being low is for sure on the low side of acceptability, what’s worse, much worse, are the side effects: irritability, frustration, short-temperedness. Yearning to be somewhere/someone else (never mind where/who, no idea). Spaciness, messiness, lack of focus. Miscellaneous malaise, melancholia. Lack of presence. Resentment. Ennui. Not the easiest to be around. T has been trying to get me to lift a dumbbell for years wow did I respond poorly. He asked me to write him poems to help remember I’m a creative being and I wrote what.. 4? Maybe? I started therapy and stopped. I’ve been an absent friend family member. I’ve dropped the ball. A lot. Now look. I have reasons. Sure. But as the fog starts to clear (and weirdly, writing last night did help with that) I can see that I am not an island. That my struggles have an impact on others. Caring for myself always felt selfish. Now I see maybe it’s more selfish not to? I have an incredible, patient, loving partner, beautiful friends family. I have a strong community that shows up when I ask. Even sometimes when I don’t. I am so lucky, but sometimes I lose sight of that. I promise I won’t always post a novel on here, but I guess I just feel like if I’m going to be honest, it can’t be “curated” honesty. There’s enough of that in the world. The parts of ourselves that we deem too ugly or shameful to be named will continue to own us, until we can own them. I so deeply appreciate your support and kindness, I just want it to be for the right reasons. And I also want to say that my experience of motherhood is not unique, I just happen to have a platform that gives mine extra visibility. It’s really hard, and I send so much love to my mama friends out there. I see you. | Posted on 11/Oct/2024 15:36:17