Alison Sudol

Alison Sudol Instagram – It’s World Mental Health Day, so I thought I would challenge myself to write something, rather than clam up like I often do when I struggle to fit big feelings into small things like words. I often give up and don’t say anything at all, which makes me feel like I’m disappearing. It’s been a tough year for me mentally. Parenting two tiny children has stretched me often far beyond what I thought I could give. I am infinitely stronger for it, but for a hefty stretch of time I’ve felt like I’ve just barely been keeping my head above water. I’ve missed creating. I missed it in my bones. But I had no space, no time, I couldn’t stay on top of the endless laundry, the cooking, the scraping broccoli out of the spaces between the floorboards. My mind has been scattered, foggy, jumpstarted by cups of tea that are half honey and cold by the time I drink them. My love has been working, which has often meant we are not in the same place, so I’ve been alone more than has been good for my head, my heart…and my body- being pregnant, giving birth, caring for these little people better than I could care for myself left me feeling like a stranger in my skin for a long time, then add an autoimmune disease attacking my eyes into the mix (will post more about that separately as have more to say, but that’s for another day) it wasn’t easy to see or be seen. And the world… I thought I cared about things before, but since having children it’s astronomically sensitized me to the suffering going on all around without knowing what to do with the pain. There have been many things, big things, small, an invisible weight, a greyness, lack of purpose. Not postnatal depression, I don’t think, but something. So I’m trying to turn the tides. I’m writing, creating, asking for more help- even started to exercise, lifting weights which I’ve resisted for years. So much energy spent resisting resistance. Weirdly I feel lighter now that I’m just lifting stuff. And trying to talk, not hide. Every time I’ve reached out, I’ve found a hand to hold. Friends and family have been exquisite. I’m so grateful. I just want to keep growing, keep learning. Sharing is part of that process. And showing my face. Hi. | Posted on 11/Oct/2024 04:04:12