It would make me so happy if you took the #ItCanWait pledge to drive distraction free with me! Behind the wheel all of it can wait. So PLEASE put those phones away when you’re driving. I mean it. Don’t test me! #ad Take the pledge here! @att bit.ly/ATT_IGCar2_MR
It would make me so happy if you took the #ItCanWait pledge to drive distraction free with me! Behind the wheel all of it can wait. So PLEASE put those phones away when you’re driving. I mean it. Don’t test me! #ad Take the pledge here! @att bit.ly/ATT_IGCar2_MR
It would make me so happy if you took the #ItCanWait pledge to drive distraction free with me! Behind the wheel all of it can wait. So PLEASE put those phones away when you’re driving. I mean it. Don’t test me! #ad Take the pledge here! @att bit.ly/ATT_IGCar2_MR
I told myself I wasn’t going to waste time taking multiple pics when taking a selfie for IG, so here you go….my first and only pic. Nailed it. Had a bunch of lemons from a tree in my yard so decided to make some LEMON COOKIES!
Here’s the recipe (they happen to be #GlutenFree and #Vegan (unless you decide to top them with spaghetti and meatballs in which case they would be #neither…your call)!
Ingredients:
2 cups almond flour
1 cup oat flour
1/4 cup coconut sugar
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt (if you have a big pincher take it easy)
Zest of two lemons
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice (May I recommend you use the juice from the lemons you zested so that you’re not wasting lemons. Plus, I find the lemons look sad and angry after they’ve been zested, so I feel like juicing them afterward gives them a sense of purpose and makes them calm down)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon coconut oil (melted)
Mix dry ingredients, then when they get sick of each other and want to liven things up, add the wet ingredients. They’ll welcome the change of texture. Am I aware that I keep anthropomorphizing food? Yes, and get off my junk before I send a zested lemon to teach you a lesson. Mix it all together until it forms a big ball of sticky dough. Put in the fridge for about an hour. Not going to tell you what to do with that hour other than preheat the oven at some point to 350 and spend some time thinking about how you judged me a couple sentences back. After an hour, use a cookie scoop or a tablespoon and place dough on a baking sheet. Bake for about 10-15-ish minutes. You’re going to have to do you here because I forgot to time it exactly. Take them out and enjoy. Unless you don’t enjoy lemon, in which case you will absolutely hate themm! *I realize I have an extra “m” in “them” – but I also told myself I won’t waste time fixing typos, so it’s staying as is.
I told myself I wasn’t going to waste time taking multiple pics when taking a selfie for IG, so here you go….my first and only pic. Nailed it. Had a bunch of lemons from a tree in my yard so decided to make some LEMON COOKIES!
Here’s the recipe (they happen to be #GlutenFree and #Vegan (unless you decide to top them with spaghetti and meatballs in which case they would be #neither…your call)!
Ingredients:
2 cups almond flour
1 cup oat flour
1/4 cup coconut sugar
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt (if you have a big pincher take it easy)
Zest of two lemons
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice (May I recommend you use the juice from the lemons you zested so that you’re not wasting lemons. Plus, I find the lemons look sad and angry after they’ve been zested, so I feel like juicing them afterward gives them a sense of purpose and makes them calm down)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons maple syrup
1 tablespoon coconut oil (melted)
Mix dry ingredients, then when they get sick of each other and want to liven things up, add the wet ingredients. They’ll welcome the change of texture. Am I aware that I keep anthropomorphizing food? Yes, and get off my junk before I send a zested lemon to teach you a lesson. Mix it all together until it forms a big ball of sticky dough. Put in the fridge for about an hour. Not going to tell you what to do with that hour other than preheat the oven at some point to 350 and spend some time thinking about how you judged me a couple sentences back. After an hour, use a cookie scoop or a tablespoon and place dough on a baking sheet. Bake for about 10-15-ish minutes. You’re going to have to do you here because I forgot to time it exactly. Take them out and enjoy. Unless you don’t enjoy lemon, in which case you will absolutely hate themm! *I realize I have an extra “m” in “them” – but I also told myself I won’t waste time fixing typos, so it’s staying as is.
Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Here’s the recipe for the Persimmon Cake with Cream Cheese Glaze I f’ed up on my stories:
– 3 Large ripe Persimmons (Hachiya not Fuyu – I’m not cursing you off I’m just telling you which works better. If I’m just eating a persimmon I prefer the fuyu & the hachiya’s can go suck it. I know I’m gonna get hit hard from die hard hachiya fans, but I’m using the hachiyas in this recipe so maybe rethink calling me a jerk & just leave a nice 👍 or 💗)
– 2 cups Oat flour & 1/2 c almond flour
– 1/2 tsp baking soda
– 1 tsp baking powder
– 1/2 cup coconut sugar
– 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp cloves, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, pinch of ginger
– 1 tablespoon vanilla
– 3 eggs
– 1/3 cup coconut oil
Glaze:
– container cream cheese (use dairy free if you wanna)
– juice of 1/2 lemon
– 1/4 cup coconut sugar
– 1 tsp tapioca flour
Preheat oven to 325. Peel the persimmons. Take out any seeds. I really debated on whether to tell you to take out seeds as it’s pretty self explanatory, but I was worried one of you would accidentally ingest a seed & I just can’t handle taking on your shi%$# so I’m telling you to TAKE OUT ANY SEEDS. Put persimmon pulp in a food processor until pureed (*note: a food processor is not a word processor that you throw food on. Again, for the one person who would glob pulp on their keyboard, then blame me for ruining their computer.) Mix persimmon puree w/above ingredients until you have a cake batter. Grease bundt cake pan or any other cake pan you like that doesn’t have an annoying spelling like “bundt.” I don’t think I greased it well enough, so just be better. Pour batter into WELL GREASED pan. Bake for an hour.
I wasn’t originally gonna do a glaze, but when my cake fell apart, I needed something to hide my failure. So, glaze: Blend coconut sugar & tapioca flour. Then mix with cream cheese & lemon. After the cake cools, flip it over. Hopefully yours came out better than mine. If it did, I don’t wanna hear it. I’m just not that big of a person. Jackson Pollock that glaze all over the top or if you’re not covering up your inadequacies like I was, you can gently pour it over as you pat yourself on the back for being so damn perfect.
When I rock the mic, I rock the mic hardddd…..but not too hard, cause ya know – the equipment is fragile and I would hate to personally have to be on the hook to replace it. Plus said mic doesn’t belong to me and I wouldn’t want to damage other people’s property. Okay, there is no hard rocking of the mic technically…but I do stand near it.
I LOVE this book, “Embrace Your Weird: Face Your Fears and Unleash Creativity” by @feliciaday SO much! It’s a funny, unique, and inspiring guide to help you find, rekindle or expand your creative passions – whatever they may be. I’ve always been extremely impressed with the powerhouse that is Felicia and all that she has created over the years. I’m so thrilled to now have a book filled with her tips, techniques and exercises! Check it out so you can be on your way to being the best creative weirdo you can be! #EmbraceYourWeird
New York City or Fake New York City? 🍎
🎃🎃🎃🎃
So excited that #TheLaundromat is in theaters today!!! Super grateful to be a tiny part of this amazing film. They say to never meet your heroes ~ which may be true if your heroes are douchebags ~ but in this case, working with and being in the presence of Steven Soderbergh and Meryl Streep was nothing short of a dream come true. (Adorable movie kiddos pictured with the incomparable Queen of all Queens, #MerylStreep @julietdonenfeld & @brockbrenner ).
So excited that #TheLaundromat is in theaters today!!! Super grateful to be a tiny part of this amazing film. They say to never meet your heroes ~ which may be true if your heroes are douchebags ~ but in this case, working with and being in the presence of Steven Soderbergh and Meryl Streep was nothing short of a dream come true. (Adorable movie kiddos pictured with the incomparable Queen of all Queens, #MerylStreep @julietdonenfeld & @brockbrenner ).
About last night….well, yesterday early afternoon actually. Thank you @newportbeachfilmfest and @variety for a lovely day. So honored to be one of your “Artists of Distinction” even though I can’t seem to properly hold an award like a normal human and I’m weirdly clutching it as if it is a genie lamp that an evil villain is trying to steal from me. Also big thanks to this wonderful crew:
Hair: @dereksyuen
Makeup: @tifaniewhite
Styling: @cristinaehrlich @kevinmichaelericson
Dress: @warm_ny
Shoes: @schutzoficial
Hand placement: My natural awkwardness
In 1989 I set my DeLorean for 2020…and it took a second, but here we are! Wishing you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🎆
I’ve loved toy kitchens and playing house since I was a kid – the real version tends to be a lot more…well, real! Having like minded moms to run questions by, share advice, hacks and provide support is essential ~ both on the road to motherhood and throughout. They say it takes a village to raise children, but what if you live far from your village? Or you don’t know anyone in your current village? Or the people in your village are annoying and you want to meet a new village? @Peanut is a great app to meet like-minded women in your area to connect with and forge friendships with! You can arrange meetups, share experiences, ask questions and get answers from real women who just get it. We don’t have to do this alone, so be sure to download @Peanut and find your village! #peanutapp #ad
#TBT to when my accessory game was on point. And yes, those are Lee Press-on Nails – and yes, I still stand by that decision.
With my gurrrrl, incredible writer/performer extraordinaire @kickitintogeary Oh, how I love this lady 💕
My name has never been in more talented hands @therealleech 😊
#Repost @therealleech with @get_repost
・・・
I, @themelissarauch was so delighted to be honoured as an Artist of Distinction at the @newportbeachfilmfest alongside Allen Leech (pictured here).
#TBT to the year I decided to stand outside with a cassette tape of monster sounds playing on a tape player connected to an old intercom (used as a speaker) to welcome/scare trick or treaters…of which we had four – if that. Also worth mentioning, I ran out of green makeup since I did a bunch of test runs earlier in the week…which accounts for the blotches. And, I’d like to note that this witch still enjoys a sensible sneaker. #happyhalloween 🧡🎃🖤🎃🧡
So proud to be a #fabfitfunpartner as @fabfitfun supports a different charity each season! This winter, #fabfitfun is partnering with @WomensAlzMovement which brings awareness to the importance of brain health & women focused Alzheimer’s research. They are also dedicated to supporting female entrepreneurs…a lot of the products in each box are from female-founded companies! And love me some cozy, winter goodies and this awesome box is filled with them! I will be wearing those slippers starting today and for the rest of the holiday season. If you want to sign up and start receiving these awesome seasonal boxes, go to www.fabfitfun.com and use my code RAUCH for $10 off your first box! What’s your favorite product from the fall box? Let me know in the comments below! #selfcare #treatyourself #selfcarefirst #selflove #womensupportingwomen
You can now watch #TheLaundromat on Netflix! Or I should say, it’s “available to watch on Netflix now” as I know it’s a workday and I shouldn’t tell you that you “can now watch” when that may get you fired for watching movies on the job. I’m not interested in derailing your career…just letting you know it’s on Netflix when you have some downtime to watch it. Also, careful scrolling through Instagram since Carol in accounting is a snitch…
Sunday Pancakes *That Don’t Make You Feel Like You Need a Nap After:
1 cup Amaranth flour (or oat flour, quinoa flour, or any other flour you got a thing for)
1 cup Almond Flour
2 eggs beaten
1 Mashed Banana
1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce or feel free to use sweetened if you want to be oppositional
1 tsp Vanilla extract or powder
2 tbsp. coconut oil
1/2 cup almond milk (or coconut milk, oat milk, milk-milk, pea milk, broccoli milk…okay, broccoli milk doesn’t exist…YET. No one ever heard of pea milk 10 years ago…so maybe I’m just ahead of my f’in time, Suckas!)
I’ve also thrown some leftover sweet potatoes in if I have them on hand, but I’m not going to go out of my way to roast a root vegetable on a Sunday morning if I don’t already have them made. And when I say I have “thrown” it in, I don’t mean I just threw a whole g-damn yam in there, I mashed it up first! Ug!
Now that that’s clarified, mix everything together. Get out a skillet (or a frying pan, but saying “skillet” makes me feel like this is the olden days where I feel my true self really belongs). Or if you have a griddle, use that. And good for you on the griddle. You’re living your best life. Put some grease on griddle/skillet. I like to use ghee because I think it makes my house smell like sugar cookies. Yes, I could just buy a sugar cookie scented candle and I just might okay?! But right now, I’m gheeing my skillet, so HOLD ON!! You can also use oil, regular butter or some sort of cooking spray. Turn on the stove to medium heat or high heat if you’re impatient and don’t mind a rush job that may result in a burned pancake that isn’t fully cooked on the inside. Your! Choice! Pour the batter in skillet per whatever size pancake makes you happy. Flip em when ready to be flipped. Or do it too soon like I usually do and end up with a glob of half cooked batter. Put them on a plate when ready. Top them with your topping of choice. I like blueberries, but you don’t need to copy me all the time. Be your own person for heavens sake…you are the best you there is! Unless you believe in cloning-in which case, you may be a mediocre you or the worst you. Hard to know. Enjoy! #glutenfreerecipes #pancakes
BANANA WALNUT MINI MUFFINS #glutenfree #dairyfree #sugarfree Loaded with spinach (promise you will NOT taste it-so you can stop complaining right now) & tons of other good stuff (if you don’t read on you won’t find out what that “stuff” is. Your damn choice). They freeze great, so they can be a tiny meal on the go to have at the ready for yourself or a kiddo when you’re feeling lazy & just wanna pop a muffin in yo mouth (or kiddos mouth) and call it a morning (or afternoon, evening or late night snack…I don’t pretend to know the timing of your muffin eating habits nor do I want to guess, so…Get. Off. My. Back)!
Recipe: Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2 c fresh spinach – finely chopped (that’s right…I want that spinach to look fiiiiine!)
2 mashed bananas (set another banana aside to slice & place on top…okay, so you need THREE bananas total, math genius. Don’t be so smug!)
1 c unsweetened apple sauce
1 c almond butter
1 egg beaten
1/4 c melted coconut oil
3/4 c almond flour
1 3/4 cups gluten free oat flour
1/4 c flaxmeal
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (I know some of you get PISSED when I add walnuts to things, so just omit them if you don’t like them, but then don’t call them “Banana WALNUT muffins” because then you’d be a huge liar & I don’t want you getting a reputation). Combine all of the above in a bowl (or wherever you choose to combine things, but a bowl tends to be the easiest and much more sanitary than let’s say…your bathtub, Weirdo!)
Also, you could do the thing where you mix dry ingredients separately, then mix together w/the rest, but I don’t have the patience & I don’t want to use yet another bathtub. I mean bowl…
Pour into mini muffin tins (or regular sized muffin tins. I like the mini ones because they make me feel like a giant)! Place a slice of banana on the top of each one. Then put a slice in your mouth bc, by golly, you deserve it! Put in oven and bake for 25-30 minutes (I gave you the temp already. DIDN’T YOU PREHEAT LIKE I ASKED??) Enjoy! Wait, take them out of the oven first! NOW enjoy, Dummy! #muffins #healthyrecipes #kidrecipes #toddlerfood
Check out this trailer for SARIA ~ an incredibly powerful and brilliantly done short film written & directed by #BryanBuckley & produced by @moviematt007 that was just nominated for an Oscar. This film exposes the horrific conditions at a Guatemalan orphanage where a fire claimed 41 girls’ lives in 2017 and was made in an effort to help bring justice to the victims and survivors. Please go to Sariafilm.com for more information.
