Part 3 of 4: Our Birth Story
A couple hours later I got into the shower. Intensity was building but I was still coping ok. I have very little recollection of what happened in this phase. Much like a fever dream, I would flow in and out consciousness or as @lbreggy says, “I left my body to get my baby”.
There was no talk of time, no timing of contractions, NO cervical exam. Just patience. Just trust. Our midwife and Johnathan steadily and quietly witnessing my process unfolding just as it needed to. Around noon, I insisted on getting into the tub, and from there things really shifted. I no longer felt contractions, instead I felt the expanding of my hips and tension shooting through the front of my legs. I could feel Lou’s head pushing against my tailbone. I wanted someone to just break my tailbone off to put a stop to it. I howled with each contraction. There was no hypnobirth, no orgasmic birth – just roaring and profanities contrasted against the Vedic chants playing in the background. The perfect encapsulation of birth if you ask me: a beautiful spiritual journey and a real bitch.
Johnathan stayed at my side,steady as a rock. (Even when I bit through his skin 😳). What grounded me the most and got me through was my connection with Lou. After screaming in agony I would talk to her and tell her that it was all ok and how proud I was of her. I knew she was going through it and working hard with me and for that, I was grateful. We were all alone and in it together at the same time.
So much doubt came up in me. I forgot everything I knew and believed about birth. Although I could feel with my fingers that Lou was close, I was convinced it just wouldn’t work. I was at my edge. In retrospect I was
pushing but I had no idea. My body had taken over.
Part 3 of 4: Our Birth Story
A couple hours later I got into the shower. Intensity was building but I was still coping ok. I have very little recollection of what happened in this phase. Much like a fever dream, I would flow in and out consciousness or as @lbreggy says, “I left my body to get my baby”.
There was no talk of time, no timing of contractions, NO cervical exam. Just patience. Just trust. Our midwife and Johnathan steadily and quietly witnessing my process unfolding just as it needed to. Around noon, I insisted on getting into the tub, and from there things really shifted. I no longer felt contractions, instead I felt the expanding of my hips and tension shooting through the front of my legs. I could feel Lou’s head pushing against my tailbone. I wanted someone to just break my tailbone off to put a stop to it. I howled with each contraction. There was no hypnobirth, no orgasmic birth – just roaring and profanities contrasted against the Vedic chants playing in the background. The perfect encapsulation of birth if you ask me: a beautiful spiritual journey and a real bitch.
Johnathan stayed at my side,steady as a rock. (Even when I bit through his skin 😳). What grounded me the most and got me through was my connection with Lou. After screaming in agony I would talk to her and tell her that it was all ok and how proud I was of her. I knew she was going through it and working hard with me and for that, I was grateful. We were all alone and in it together at the same time.
So much doubt came up in me. I forgot everything I knew and believed about birth. Although I could feel with my fingers that Lou was close, I was convinced it just wouldn’t work. I was at my edge. In retrospect I was
pushing but I had no idea. My body had taken over.
Part 1 of 4: Our Birth Story
One of the first things that I tell my clients is forget your due date, don’t tell people your due date, babies come on their own time and putting a date to it is only going to get in your (and your loved ones) head creating unnecessary expectation or even unnecessary intervention. Surrender to the mystery of their arrival time!
Well my due date happened to be my 29th birthday and of course I didn’t take my own advice. I was so excited by this sweet coincidence that I looked forward to my birthday in an entirely new way. I was born two weeks “late” and I know that the attachment to an estimated date ultimately contributed to the way that I myself was born. Letting go of the expectation around time was part of processing my own entry to this world in prepare for giving birth.
Although I loved being pregnant and felt physically very comfortable, patience was not easy for me. When my birthday came and went, I like so many before me wondered if I’d ever go into labor. Like standing on the edge of cliff I so badly wanted to jump because I knew that there was no turning back and diving in seemed far easier than sitting with all the big feelings of anticipation.
I chose to give birth in an environment that would not impose a deadline or expiration date on my pregnancy with a midwife that would support us on our own time. Letting Lou choose her arrival time important to me especially knowing that the hormones of labor are initiated by the baby.
A few days after my birthday I made an effort to stop moping around the house impatiently. My girls @beaitch and @maggierogers made me killer playlists to lift my spirits and dance to on the treadmill. (I walked at least a mile every day in the 3rd trimester but on this day I put some pep in my step). I took photos of my belly not knowing this would be the last photo before my water broke. That evening I read @kat.villain Wild Rhythms and had ox tail for dinner before getting ready to watch White Lotus. At 8pm sharp we were sitting on the couch cuddling with our pup Paulie when I felt a pop followed by a gush…
100 Days Of Lou ✨ In the Chinese tradition, one hundred days earth-side calls for a big celebration. It also happens to fall on the week anniversary of conception.
Although it’s not often acknowledged, I believe motherhood begins in pregnancy. Our bodies instinctively nourishing and working hard every day to transform a poppy sized embryo into a big-little human. It’s so much growing in just one year! Pregnancy is an especially potent chapter of motherhood because it’s when we’re most connected to the aspect of mothering that requires no thought or action. Just as a a tree knows how to grow leaves and the sun knows how to set. This innate mothering begins before we even “know.”
When a newborn crosses the threshold, your role as a mother evolves, but these powerful innate qualities remain. Your body is still the perfect source of nourishment.
We may greet our babies at birth and finally get to lay eyes on their sweet faces but our union begins long before that special day.
Anyone else feel like they’ve known their babes longer than the days, months, years they’ve been earth-side?
Part 4 of 4: Our Birth Story
After a couple hours in the tub, the water was no longer serving me and I wanted OUT. I crawled into bed and draped myself over Johnathan’s shoulders. For the next hour my body moved instinctively to make way for Lou. I got onto all fours with my right leg bent up by my right hand. Johnathan placed his hands below her emerging head ready to catch. (I made him watch a million @indiebirth birth videos in pregnancy). Once her head was out, she took her first breath and cleared her lungs with a cry. With the next wave she emerged into her father’s hands and was passed under my legs up to me. She was born at 3:50pm. Although we waited to find out, I had a strong feeling she was a girl my entire pregnancy (I even filled her closet with my childhood dresses). “It’s her!”, we said laughing. I knew all along! Paulie, who had been under the bed, popped up in celebration, doing laps around the room.
Just like our labor, the sacred moments following her birth were completely undisturbed. We let the physiological process unfold as we had through pregnancy and labor. The bliss I had been waiting for arrived and we were soaring with oxytocin. Nobody violently “stimulated” her, suctioned her or touched her at all besides the two of us. Nobody “massaged” my uterus, nobody cut her cord or tugged at the placenta. These were things I’ve seen done unnecessarily and without consent far too often and it broke my heart every time.
After an hour of cuddling, Johnathan cut the cord. I still had to birth the placenta and I was nervous. This was the final stage of birth that needed to happen safely. My midwife intuited that I was on edge about it and resisting any support in guiding it out. She asked if I wanted to squat in the shower to birth my placenta alone. She placed a bowl between my legs and I spoke to the placenta, thanking it for taking such good care of Lou, for being the source of her nourishment and protection. I told my placenta that its work was done and I guided it out with ease.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms just as the sun set over the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Spring is in the air 🌼🪺🌷
Part 2 of 4: Our Birth Story
My waters released at 8pm on the dot. I jumped up in shock and excitement, my heart pounding. We were now on our way to greeting our baby – although we could still be days away! For some, labor begins right after water breaks, for others it doesn’t start for hours or days. In some rare cases it never breaks at all! Ruptured membranes before labor starts is often a path to induction when birthing in the hospital but being induced immediately is not necessary in most cases – and can lead to cascading interventions and risks.
I asked Johnathan to make lentil soup so we would have something nourishing and warm prepared for labor and after birth. I told him to try to get some sleep while he could. We got into bed early (keeping my hips open with the peanut ball) knowing it could be our last chance to sleep (for years 🙃).
Around midnight I started to feel those first rhythmic waves. They weren’t painful but they were consistent and required movement. I rested on my side and swayed against the edge of the bed.
By sunrise things were picking up and although I felt it was too early for my midwife to come, I was craving the female energy. We called her around 6:30am and she arrived an hour later. As the sun rose over the Blue Ridge Mountains, I remember taking this photo in between waves because I wanted to remember the sunrise on the day our baby would be born.
We listened to music, had some soup and swayed around. In the space between contractions, we chatted, and when a wave took over my midwife or Johnathan would apply pressure to my hips. Paulie stayed glued to my side looking helpless and concerned.
I wore the strand of beads around my neck from my birth blessing ceremony infused with the blessings and love from my friends and family. I felt them with me every step of the way.
Part 2 of 4: Our Birth Story
My waters released at 8pm on the dot. I jumped up in shock and excitement, my heart pounding. We were now on our way to greeting our baby – although we could still be days away! For some, labor begins right after water breaks, for others it doesn’t start for hours or days. In some rare cases it never breaks at all! Ruptured membranes before labor starts is often a path to induction when birthing in the hospital but being induced immediately is not necessary in most cases – and can lead to cascading interventions and risks.
I asked Johnathan to make lentil soup so we would have something nourishing and warm prepared for labor and after birth. I told him to try to get some sleep while he could. We got into bed early (keeping my hips open with the peanut ball) knowing it could be our last chance to sleep (for years 🙃).
Around midnight I started to feel those first rhythmic waves. They weren’t painful but they were consistent and required movement. I rested on my side and swayed against the edge of the bed.
By sunrise things were picking up and although I felt it was too early for my midwife to come, I was craving the female energy. We called her around 6:30am and she arrived an hour later. As the sun rose over the Blue Ridge Mountains, I remember taking this photo in between waves because I wanted to remember the sunrise on the day our baby would be born.
We listened to music, had some soup and swayed around. In the space between contractions, we chatted, and when a wave took over my midwife or Johnathan would apply pressure to my hips. Paulie stayed glued to my side looking helpless and concerned.
I wore the strand of beads around my neck from my birth blessing ceremony infused with the blessings and love from my friends and family. I felt them with me every step of the way.
Part 2 of 4: Our Birth Story
My waters released at 8pm on the dot. I jumped up in shock and excitement, my heart pounding. We were now on our way to greeting our baby – although we could still be days away! For some, labor begins right after water breaks, for others it doesn’t start for hours or days. In some rare cases it never breaks at all! Ruptured membranes before labor starts is often a path to induction when birthing in the hospital but being induced immediately is not necessary in most cases – and can lead to cascading interventions and risks.
I asked Johnathan to make lentil soup so we would have something nourishing and warm prepared for labor and after birth. I told him to try to get some sleep while he could. We got into bed early (keeping my hips open with the peanut ball) knowing it could be our last chance to sleep (for years 🙃).
Around midnight I started to feel those first rhythmic waves. They weren’t painful but they were consistent and required movement. I rested on my side and swayed against the edge of the bed.
By sunrise things were picking up and although I felt it was too early for my midwife to come, I was craving the female energy. We called her around 6:30am and she arrived an hour later. As the sun rose over the Blue Ridge Mountains, I remember taking this photo in between waves because I wanted to remember the sunrise on the day our baby would be born.
We listened to music, had some soup and swayed around. In the space between contractions, we chatted, and when a wave took over my midwife or Johnathan would apply pressure to my hips. Paulie stayed glued to my side looking helpless and concerned.
I wore the strand of beads around my neck from my birth blessing ceremony infused with the blessings and love from my friends and family. I felt them with me every step of the way.
🤍
🤍
🤍
When we bought our house the basement was in pretty rough shape (see slide three). Over the past year we put in wood floors, ceiling, storage and laundry room and created a play space and reading nook for Lou. I’m so stoked it’s finally finished! @sixpennyhome was kind enough to gift us a piece of furniture from their new collection. I chose the light weight linen Loula Sofa for my Loula girl!
When we bought our house the basement was in pretty rough shape (see slide three). Over the past year we put in wood floors, ceiling, storage and laundry room and created a play space and reading nook for Lou. I’m so stoked it’s finally finished! @sixpennyhome was kind enough to gift us a piece of furniture from their new collection. I chose the light weight linen Loula Sofa for my Loula girl!
When we bought our house the basement was in pretty rough shape (see slide three). Over the past year we put in wood floors, ceiling, storage and laundry room and created a play space and reading nook for Lou. I’m so stoked it’s finally finished! @sixpennyhome was kind enough to gift us a piece of furniture from their new collection. I chose the light weight linen Loula Sofa for my Loula girl!
The next Growing Together Circle begins Janurary 28th
🦋
Growing Together is not your average childbirth education class. It’s a space to build long lasting community and gain support from other women who are walking alongside you. It’s a space to rewrite the stories, challenge the fears and unlearn the cultural conditioning we have around birth and motherhood.
It’s an opportunity to equip yourself with the wisdom and resources for a healthy and informed pregnancy, birth and postpartum. Most importantly, it’s a safe space to explore and discover your unique approach to parenthood. It’s a chance to dive deep into the beauty of transformation.
Limited space available. Link in bio to join.
The next Growing Together Circle begins Janurary 28th
🦋
Growing Together is not your average childbirth education class. It’s a space to build long lasting community and gain support from other women who are walking alongside you. It’s a space to rewrite the stories, challenge the fears and unlearn the cultural conditioning we have around birth and motherhood.
It’s an opportunity to equip yourself with the wisdom and resources for a healthy and informed pregnancy, birth and postpartum. Most importantly, it’s a safe space to explore and discover your unique approach to parenthood. It’s a chance to dive deep into the beauty of transformation.
Limited space available. Link in bio to join.
