Esther Perel Instagram – ‍Couples polarize around all kinds of values. Should we spend the holidays with your parents or mine? If we share finances, do we need to ask permission for personal spending? I’m used to hearing these stories in my office. But the clashes around social values within couples, families, colleagues, and friends have taken on a fresh pitch. ‍ Long-standing patterns in our relationships come to a head in these arguments. If you listen closely to a screaming couple, you will hear feelings around respect, recognition, control, trust, care, and power. Too often, clashing couples focus only on the surface. That can leave us feeling that, not only are we living in a world that’s gone mad, we’re living with a person we no longer recognize. ‍ ‍Modern romance doesn’t pay much attention to “values clarification” until there is “values crisis.” But it doesn’t mean we have to stay in crisis mode. My advice to couples at a crossroads over issues rooted in values is this: step away from the content of the argument for a moment and consider the form. Swipe through for eight more pieces of advice, and for a deeper dive into the topic, check out the newsletter link in my bio.