Maria Bello Instagram – Task #2 – Life Review Well this task can suck. Over my PAUSE this was one of the most crucial but painful exercises. It wasn’t linear but was a rolling investigation. At times I could investigate my past intellectually and it would feel ok. But when the reality of my past, particularly how I’ve hurt those I love and how I’ve been hurt myself, became emotional, I thought I would die from the pain. It was hard to process and then accept that I was so very wounded as a child. It was even harder to process and accept that my trauma from that made me make bad decisions. But it was also freeing. Along with investigating the painful, there was a lot in my past that I feel good about and the decisions I made. I could appreciate that the lonely girl from a blue collar family in philly came to Hollywood and really made a life and career for herself. I could give myself a pat on the back for the ways I did help, grow and create and maintain relationship. For every “negative” there seemed to be a “positive”. I was lucky enough to have a therapist walk me through it. But I have some friends who did online group therapy and were able to peel their own layers. I wrote down everything I remembered year by year for 56 years. Some was beautiful and some ugly. I cried a lot. Some days I could barely get out of bed but then Paris would call me to walk. It showed me that I can continue to walk through the second half of my life without the shame or guilt I hadn’t processed in the first half. At the end of my PAUSE, after conquering this mountain, I feel more free and clear than ever. Dig deep. There are many gifts in the soil if we take the chance to be 100% honest with ourselves.