During my PAUSE I was travelling and unraveling the first half of my life and coming to terms with where I had put my energy.
This time last year I went on a pilgrimage to the country of Benin to meet the real Woman King. I was deep in my PAUSE and felt a calling. I didn’t know why the story of the film The Woman King came through me. It was a long hard road getting that film made and in the end I did not have the capacity to see it through. I spent so much time and energy to get it to the screen but it felt as if it didn’t love me back. I left Hollywood disillusioned. But it was such a big part of the last ten years of my life so how could I come full circle? That’s when I decided to go with a friend to Benin to pay homage to the real woman king. And there she sat so regally, inviting us into her home to tell us the stories of her ancestors – The warriors who had gone before her and the first woman king whose spirit was passed down for generations and now resided in her. And she told me what I didn’t quite believe then – that I was a warrior as well. And that I would rise. I cried as she blessed my son and told me that the ancestors would keep my family safe. I came out of it letting go even more of a chapter of my life and career. I felt hope for the first time in a very long time. I felt the possibility that I could one day be a warrior rising from the ashes again.
During my PAUSE I was travelling and unraveling the first half of my life and coming to terms with where I had put my energy.
This time last year I went on a pilgrimage to the country of Benin to meet the real Woman King. I was deep in my PAUSE and felt a calling. I didn’t know why the story of the film The Woman King came through me. It was a long hard road getting that film made and in the end I did not have the capacity to see it through. I spent so much time and energy to get it to the screen but it felt as if it didn’t love me back. I left Hollywood disillusioned. But it was such a big part of the last ten years of my life so how could I come full circle? That’s when I decided to go with a friend to Benin to pay homage to the real woman king. And there she sat so regally, inviting us into her home to tell us the stories of her ancestors – The warriors who had gone before her and the first woman king whose spirit was passed down for generations and now resided in her. And she told me what I didn’t quite believe then – that I was a warrior as well. And that I would rise. I cried as she blessed my son and told me that the ancestors would keep my family safe. I came out of it letting go even more of a chapter of my life and career. I felt hope for the first time in a very long time. I felt the possibility that I could one day be a warrior rising from the ashes again.
During my PAUSE I was travelling and unraveling the first half of my life and coming to terms with where I had put my energy.
This time last year I went on a pilgrimage to the country of Benin to meet the real Woman King. I was deep in my PAUSE and felt a calling. I didn’t know why the story of the film The Woman King came through me. It was a long hard road getting that film made and in the end I did not have the capacity to see it through. I spent so much time and energy to get it to the screen but it felt as if it didn’t love me back. I left Hollywood disillusioned. But it was such a big part of the last ten years of my life so how could I come full circle? That’s when I decided to go with a friend to Benin to pay homage to the real woman king. And there she sat so regally, inviting us into her home to tell us the stories of her ancestors – The warriors who had gone before her and the first woman king whose spirit was passed down for generations and now resided in her. And she told me what I didn’t quite believe then – that I was a warrior as well. And that I would rise. I cried as she blessed my son and told me that the ancestors would keep my family safe. I came out of it letting go even more of a chapter of my life and career. I felt hope for the first time in a very long time. I felt the possibility that I could one day be a warrior rising from the ashes again.
During my PAUSE I was travelling and unraveling the first half of my life and coming to terms with where I had put my energy.
This time last year I went on a pilgrimage to the country of Benin to meet the real Woman King. I was deep in my PAUSE and felt a calling. I didn’t know why the story of the film The Woman King came through me. It was a long hard road getting that film made and in the end I did not have the capacity to see it through. I spent so much time and energy to get it to the screen but it felt as if it didn’t love me back. I left Hollywood disillusioned. But it was such a big part of the last ten years of my life so how could I come full circle? That’s when I decided to go with a friend to Benin to pay homage to the real woman king. And there she sat so regally, inviting us into her home to tell us the stories of her ancestors – The warriors who had gone before her and the first woman king whose spirit was passed down for generations and now resided in her. And she told me what I didn’t quite believe then – that I was a warrior as well. And that I would rise. I cried as she blessed my son and told me that the ancestors would keep my family safe. I came out of it letting go even more of a chapter of my life and career. I felt hope for the first time in a very long time. I felt the possibility that I could one day be a warrior rising from the ashes again.
During my PAUSE I was travelling and unraveling the first half of my life and coming to terms with where I had put my energy.
This time last year I went on a pilgrimage to the country of Benin to meet the real Woman King. I was deep in my PAUSE and felt a calling. I didn’t know why the story of the film The Woman King came through me. It was a long hard road getting that film made and in the end I did not have the capacity to see it through. I spent so much time and energy to get it to the screen but it felt as if it didn’t love me back. I left Hollywood disillusioned. But it was such a big part of the last ten years of my life so how could I come full circle? That’s when I decided to go with a friend to Benin to pay homage to the real woman king. And there she sat so regally, inviting us into her home to tell us the stories of her ancestors – The warriors who had gone before her and the first woman king whose spirit was passed down for generations and now resided in her. And she told me what I didn’t quite believe then – that I was a warrior as well. And that I would rise. I cried as she blessed my son and told me that the ancestors would keep my family safe. I came out of it letting go even more of a chapter of my life and career. I felt hope for the first time in a very long time. I felt the possibility that I could one day be a warrior rising from the ashes again.
Wow! Beef swept the night in all of its categories at the Critics Coice Awards. Best limited series @beherelater best actress @aliwong , best actor Steven Yuen and best supporting actress – Me:).
“Andras” in Greek means human male and “pause” in Greek a cessation; so literally “andropause” is defined as a syndrome associated with a decrease in sexual satisfaction or a decline in a feeling of general well-being with low levels of testosterone in men as they age.
Like menopausal women, men in mid-life who are crossing over to the second half also experience symptoms such as reduced muscle mass and strength, increased body fat, fatigue, hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings, anxiety, depression, as well as poor memory and concentration.
Midlife hits us all, no matter your gender. So how do we together cross over successfully to a more fulfilling second half? Crossing over to more joy, more self acceptance and more confidence? I found the 7 tasks and they changed my whole experience.
Gertrude Stein was an author, collector of people and the host of the greatest literary salon in Paris at the turn of the century. Alice B Toklas was a muse and dream maker, and the “wife” of Gertrude Stein. Warhol has painted them. They traded Picasso one of his first painting for a place in their salon. They were married til the day they died. Like @dominiquecrenn and I perhaps as we age. Except our dog is not a poodle but a girl called Lulu:). Find your role models in the second half of life.
I’m pretty small but still, the amount of time I’ve spent thinking about my weight since I was a teenager, even if
I was 5 pounds bigger than usual was HEAVY. If I were TEN pounds over my weight that I felt good at, I would think about my “fat” stomach as soon as I woke up in the morning. So when someone came out with a weight loss drug when I was 20 pounds over the weight I like myself at, I jumped at the chance to use it. I tried last year but the nausea made me stop after 2 days. And then I was nominated for an award this year and needed to fit in my dress. And quick. I didn’t care about the nausea. I had been in Paris for a year eating croissants everyday and the sample sizes that the designers loaned me just wouldn’t fit. So I went on a new medicine for 6 weeks and lost 14 pounds. Cool. But then I realized the question everyone seems to be asking themselves, can I ever quit? Or do I have to inject myself every week for the rest of my life and get SKINNIER AND SKINNIER AND SKINNIER til I look like the starving “bobble-heads” we are seeing all around us. People with big heads and tiny bottoms. It’s not that cute. I also miss enjoying food. My wife to be is a chef @dominiquecrenn and I feel terrible that with every incredible meal she makes, I started saying, I’m not hungry. I’m over it right now even though I may go up and down 20 pounds. So I will stop.
But I’ll still probably go back on to fit in my wedding dress in May.
Before the PAUSE I would probably be tempted to become a bobble head like everyone else. Now I know I would like to have some time to taste again, to desire food, to laugh and eat and gain 20 pounds on crossants. At least until May when I walk down the aisle and would rather focus on love, not my stomach fat, I want to feel good no matter what I choose. Don’t you?
I am headed to the Critics Choice Awards on Sunday and am reminded of the last time I was there in 2007. There is still no peace in Darfur. Read thesentry.org for more information on the conflict. 🙏
I am headed to the Critics Choice Awards on Sunday and am reminded of the last time I was there in 2007. There is still no peace in Darfur. Read thesentry.org for more information on the conflict. 🙏
Who would have guessed that THIS would be on the other side of menopause! Merci @beef_netflix_official for having me to your party. Congratulations to the whole team @beherelater @aliwong Steven Yuen @joeyunlee @youngmazino @ashleyparklady for sweeping the critics choice awards!
Makeup by @luiscascomakeup
Hair by @philipcarreonstyle
Dress @highheelprncess @falgunishanepeacockindia
This is me after the whole weekend of fancy events…
Wow. I forgot how painful it is to wear heels for 3 nights in a row. During my PAUSE I never wore heels and thought i never would again. It’s not only my feet that ache but my whole body aches even two days later. I’m not sure if it hurt so much before the PAUSE but maybe then i didn’t notice so much. My feet hurt so much in fact that backstage at the Emmys while getting group photos taken you will notice I’m barefoot. Chic. I also bumped my big left toe walking up the stairs to receive the award the night before and so it REALLY hurts. Blood was dripping down my high heel as i stood on stage. It wasn’t so bad but still… I remember telling @aliwong a year into my PAUSE that I would never wear heels again. That I would never walk down a red carpet fearing I would fall on my face with my toes smooshed in pointy shoes. But then I did. Because I’m in the second half of life I get to change my mind as often as I like. I get to berate high heels and then wear them for a night because they looked really great with my dress. I’m finding in the second half I can do whatever I want to do but I’m also aware of the consequences. I do a big event once every couple of years. I’ll save the heels for then. In the PAUSE we start to get clear on what’s working for us and what isn’t. And then we get to choose what we are willing to sacrifice for those choices. A bloody toe and bloated feet? It gave me time to sit on my couch in sweats for the last few days and watch home make over shows(Million Dollar Decorators is the best btw. Merci @kathrynmireland ). I’m ok with my choice but will stick with my old boots and Birkenstocks until another pretty outfit begs for those ungodly torture devices.
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Books have always been my hobby. I have a library I’ve accumulated over the years with some books that I’ve had since high school. That’s why I started doing literary salons in my library with bookseller Jeannine cook @harrietsbookshop. This month it was with author Arlan Hamilton @arlanwashere for her book Your First Million. Her personal story – from sleeping on the floor of the San Francisco airport in 2015, to being on the cover of Fast Company in 2018 with the headline “Venture Catalyst” is just the beginning. She now owns a huge venture capital firm @backstagecapital dedicated to investing in underestimated entrepreneurs. Her story is unbelievably inspiring. She writes that ANYONE can be a millionaire and that anyone can be TAUGHT to be a millionaire. If you’d like to read her story and find out the ins and outs of money order your copy from @harrietsbookshop
Best dates ever to the Emmys where once again @beef_netflix_official slayed! Makeup: @lindahaymakeup
Hair: @philipcarreonstyle
Dress: @georgeshobeika
Styling: @highheelprincesss
Beatrice Wood (March 3, 1893 – March 12, 1998) is one of my inspirations for living the second half of my life with passion and grace. She was an American artist and studio potter involved in the Avant Garde movement in the United States. She had earlier studied art and theater in Paris, and was working in New York as an actress. She later worked at sculpture and pottery in her studio in Ojai. Wood was characterized as the “Mama of Dada”. She was openly in a sort of love triangle with two male friends and colleagues – Marcel Duchamp and Henri-Pierre Roche. She wore her traditional dress of colorful saris and Indian jewelry til the day she died at 105. It is said she had lovers until she was 100. And when asked the secret to her longevity she said “I owe it all to art, books, chocolate and young men”. I doubt she was ever thinking about her weight or waddle or wrinkles. She created her life and only continued to live in passion. Bring it on Beatrice! To read more about her get her autobiography – I Shock Myself. Order from @harrietts_bookshop
Task #2 – Life Review
Well this task can suck. Over my PAUSE this was one of the most crucial but painful exercises. It wasn’t linear but was a rolling investigation. At times I could investigate my past intellectually and it would feel ok. But when the reality of my past, particularly how I’ve hurt those I love and how I’ve been hurt myself, became emotional, I thought I would die from the pain. It was hard to process and then accept that I was so very wounded as a child. It was even harder to process and accept that my trauma from that made me make bad decisions. But it was also freeing. Along with investigating the painful, there was a lot in my past that I feel good about and the decisions I made. I could appreciate that the lonely girl from a blue collar family in philly came to Hollywood and really made a life and career for herself. I could give myself a pat on the back for the ways I did help, grow and create and maintain relationship. For every “negative” there seemed to be a “positive”. I was lucky enough to have a therapist walk me through it. But I have some friends who did online group therapy and were able to peel their own layers. I wrote down everything I remembered year by year for 56 years. Some was beautiful and some ugly. I cried a lot. Some days I could barely get out of bed but then Paris would call me to walk. It showed me that I can continue to walk through the second half of my life without the shame or guilt I hadn’t processed in the first half. At the end of my PAUSE, after conquering this mountain, I feel more free and clear than ever. Dig deep. There are many gifts in the soil if we take the chance to be 100% honest with ourselves.
