Ashes to ashes. My hand, my child’s hand, and Lee’s ashes, which we just scattered into Lee’s garden…together, with our family, our whānau. Tomorrow is the child’s 9th birthday, and we spent today letting go of the dead. And playing baseball. And going to the science museum. And feeling alive. Dust to dust. Everything changes.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
We’ve made it nine years, me and little Anthony or Ash For Short. Leftover party cake, ice cream and scrambled eggs for breakfast and, strangely enough, the eggs went untouched. Then a pre-school treasure hunt using a million shells we brought back from Waiheke and I’m not telling where they led or what was waiting in the upstairs shower. I played a ukulele birthday song for his class during morning circle and taught the kiddos some words in Te Reo Māori. My god. This world. Where am I? Who am I? What HAPPENED?? I try not to think about it too much anymore. I just know I love this child with all my heart, I love him more than art, I love him more than success, I love him more than love, and I will protect him with all my might because that’s what my heart calls me to do. (Mama & Ash photo by Brendon / @haawau, who has been the tallest and most fortified lighthouse in this raging storm.) I am a lucky mother.
There’s storms a-raging, but I’m starting to sense the tingle of being more at peace than I have in over fifteen years. The autumn hope in the air, the art I am finishing, the strength I am gathering, the friends who are assembling to support me and the kiddo as we move. It used to be so much about the opinions of the outside; that’s changed. It’s more the safe feeling I get when the good people in my life – who have always had the least interest in bullshit and the most in integrity – show up in my life with full force. Yesterday we filmed a project that’s been overdue for five years and got delayed due to covid and other drama. Today I work on edit of another delayed project. My concert on Tuesday was one of the best I’ve ever played. My heart is gathering itself back together. And Ash and I are settling into a new home. I felt so very alone and disoriented for those three years overseas. So many people in New York and Boston have told me lately that my internet memoirs of those years helped them. I imagine I’ll write them all down someday, when it’s the right time, including all the things I just couldn’t articulate. I still feel so homesick sometimes – and so does Ash. I miss the values of the people there, the emphasis on community, the civility. It changed me in ways I was ready to be changed. But I am, also, finally starting to feel at home again, at home in my own skin, my new skin, my true self skin. It’s taken me so long to understand who I am – versus who I have wanted people to see – and so much about how the darker sides of the world work. I feel like a drowning person finally getting to the surface to gulp air. Not yet breathing steadily, but completely out of the undertow. Not yet on dry land, but on the raft. I see lighthouses everywhere. I love you. Good morning. I’m going to work on the monthly newsletter for the patrons and publish it today or tomorrow. The support and community over there has also been a real blessing lately, and many people are also seeming fritzy. Come on over; the Patreon – now over 20,000 – is now free to join. You can upgrade to paid but you never have to in order to get the posts. It’s nice. ♥️🙏
🙏🕉️
Wow. So many people apparently have feelings about this abandoned house I drove by and snapped a picture of yesterday on our way home from Plum Island. My lord, from @wikipedia: “The house’s notoriety is in part due to a popular local urban legend about its creation. The story suggests the house’s location was a result of a divorce in which the wife demanded an exact replica of their Newburyport house, but failed to specify the location, resulting in the spiteful husband building it on the edge of town, in the Great Marsh. For this reason, the building is often listed as an example of a spite house (”https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spite_house”) Who wants to join my patreon so I can write “Spite House: The Musical!” Because I’m fucking feeling it people. But for real, the house has its own IG (@supportthepinkhouse) and there’s a petition to spare it from demo. I just signed it. I think it should get moved, to my lawn. I’ll take it.
It’s weird. I dunno. ⛽️💖😱 I half love it and want to embrace it wholeheartedly. And other part of me is just like 🫠 I have a concert tonight in Woodstock at @levonhelmstudios – Aug 27, 7-9pm – it’s sold out but streaming (and archived) here for patrons and the link is in stories. https://crowdcast.io/c/goodbyewoodstock Tour dates coming up: SOLO: Saturday, Sept 21st: NORTHAMPTON, MA – ACADEMY OF MUSIC (shown above!) Thursday, October 17th: FAIRFIELD, CT – SACRED HEART COMMUNITY THEATRE Saturday, October 19th: TARRYTOWN, NY – TARRYTOWN MUSIC HALL Then….with The Dresden Dolls: Saturday October 26 & Sunday Oct 27th: WOODSTOCK, NY – BEARSVILLE THEATER Friday November 1 & Saturday Nov 2: BOSTON, MA – ROADRUNNER, with Gogol Bordello On sale now at amandapalmer.net
It’s weird. I dunno. ⛽️💖😱 I half love it and want to embrace it wholeheartedly. And other part of me is just like 🫠 I have a concert tonight in Woodstock at @levonhelmstudios – Aug 27, 7-9pm – it’s sold out but streaming (and archived) here for patrons and the link is in stories. https://crowdcast.io/c/goodbyewoodstock Tour dates coming up: SOLO: Saturday, Sept 21st: NORTHAMPTON, MA – ACADEMY OF MUSIC (shown above!) Thursday, October 17th: FAIRFIELD, CT – SACRED HEART COMMUNITY THEATRE Saturday, October 19th: TARRYTOWN, NY – TARRYTOWN MUSIC HALL Then….with The Dresden Dolls: Saturday October 26 & Sunday Oct 27th: WOODSTOCK, NY – BEARSVILLE THEATER Friday November 1 & Saturday Nov 2: BOSTON, MA – ROADRUNNER, with Gogol Bordello On sale now at amandapalmer.net
As above, so below. Happy Monday morning, everybody. I have a big week ahead: two video shoots, a show, more moving, lots of life clean-up. Getting ready for the start of school. Taking things two days at a time. Feeling deeply. I’m playing my Goodbye to Woodstock show tomorrow (the 27th – at @levonhelmstudios) at 7pm. It’s sold out but streaming – join the patreon to see it. I’ll send the link again to all patrons tomorrow before the show. I’m going to rehearse a lot today. I’m sending you all a ton of love, wherever you are on earth, wherever you are in the journey towards wherever you’re heading. Whatever you’re dealing with. Whatever you’re healing. Whatever you can’t heal yet. Whatever you’re examining. Whatever you need to take your time with. Take it. We went to the ocean yesterday and now everybody feels happier. I held my friends in my arms. A rainbow followed us. We laughed a lot. Kia Ora, Moana. An extra special shout out this morning to my whānau in Aotearoa. I miss you a lot at the moment. Aroha nui. We will be back. All the music video work will be documented on the Patreon. I’m finally – finally – getting around to burning some things people sent me. It’s time. IYKYK. ♥️
As above, so below. Happy Monday morning, everybody. I have a big week ahead: two video shoots, a show, more moving, lots of life clean-up. Getting ready for the start of school. Taking things two days at a time. Feeling deeply. I’m playing my Goodbye to Woodstock show tomorrow (the 27th – at @levonhelmstudios) at 7pm. It’s sold out but streaming – join the patreon to see it. I’ll send the link again to all patrons tomorrow before the show. I’m going to rehearse a lot today. I’m sending you all a ton of love, wherever you are on earth, wherever you are in the journey towards wherever you’re heading. Whatever you’re dealing with. Whatever you’re healing. Whatever you can’t heal yet. Whatever you’re examining. Whatever you need to take your time with. Take it. We went to the ocean yesterday and now everybody feels happier. I held my friends in my arms. A rainbow followed us. We laughed a lot. Kia Ora, Moana. An extra special shout out this morning to my whānau in Aotearoa. I miss you a lot at the moment. Aroha nui. We will be back. All the music video work will be documented on the Patreon. I’m finally – finally – getting around to burning some things people sent me. It’s time. IYKYK. ♥️
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
Screenshots from last night @levonhelmstudios. Friends. Community. Music. Love. I needed this goodbye show more than I knew. I posted a longer post to the patrons this morning (https://www.patreon.com/posts/110942867) and… My job is weird. I have been a memoirist-songwriter since I was 12 years old and wrote my first piano song about getting my heart stomped on by another 6th grader. (Thanks, Brad. You inspired me.) Since then, I have written hundreds of songs, and a book, and probably over 20,000,000 words on the internet about what it feels like to, well, experience life from this perspective. It’s been my life’s work. My vocation. It is how I have survived and paid my rent since I was 25. When I was 12, I did not know where this work would lead me. I did not know how “being a musician” and a songwriter would impact my life, my family, my future child. Last night, playing to tiny barn of patrons and neighbors, I felt some of the hows and whys more deeply than I ever have. I felt the impact of memoir and creation through the strange crackle of time and space and fiberglass that reaches thousands of people over the internet waves. I felt very real. I felt like I was doing my real job. The longer patreon post link (which includes the cast link) also in stories. The setlist… 2:30 – “In My Mind” 10:00 – special guest writer @cosmogyny / Sophie Strand, who reads a passage from “The Body is a Doorway” 20:00 – backstory & “Drowning in the Sound” 28:00 – special guest songwriter Noah, who plays a solo song 32:00 – Amanda & Noah sing a song Noah wrote inspired by their dads 39:00 – explanations of some things and “Houdini” 47:00 – a difficult question from the stream 53:00 – backstory & “Another Christmas” 1:05:00 – backstory & “Voicemail for Jill” 1:15:00 – special guest songwriter @ameliaallen221 Amelia Allen 1:23:00 – backstory, music video news, and “Look Mummy No Hands” 1:33:00 – “Whakenewha” 1:41:00 – “The Runner”, then a distraction about Chappell Roan 1:54:00 – Housekeeping chat, welcome back Noah for “I love you so much” 2:07:00 – makes the train in time! Chappell Roan’s “Casual” singalong 2:14:00 – “We’ll meet again”
. Oops missed one. In you go, little one. Be gone. 🔥 (Film shoot day #2, all funded by and made for the patrons, with @hollandlion.)
