it’s been a journey. we didn’t speak for 8 years and now we see each other every morning. sometimes you reopen a door, not because you need to, but because you’re ready to. for all my babes who don’t have a relationship with a parent/s- I trust that you are doing the absolute best thing for yourself. I believe you. It’s not easy. You’re not being ridiculous. You’re not unlovable. You don’t have to “fix” it. You deserve more and you deserve to give yourself more. Every connection might not be conditional, but every relationship is. So, if you have to be your own Dad today, just make sure you’re being exactly the Dad you need. (You don’t need to be a daddy to get those daddy day discounts 😙)
it’s been a journey. we didn’t speak for 8 years and now we see each other every morning. sometimes you reopen a door, not because you need to, but because you’re ready to. for all my babes who don’t have a relationship with a parent/s- I trust that you are doing the absolute best thing for yourself. I believe you. It’s not easy. You’re not being ridiculous. You’re not unlovable. You don’t have to “fix” it. You deserve more and you deserve to give yourself more. Every connection might not be conditional, but every relationship is. So, if you have to be your own Dad today, just make sure you’re being exactly the Dad you need. (You don’t need to be a daddy to get those daddy day discounts 😙)
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
i just think about you all the time
sweet baby still going through the process
ten years ago ☺️ If pop up video still existed, a little bubble would tell you that half of this thing was shot with me sitting directly in front of a soft box. The budget was $0. @keithwithoutacrew was probably just testing out a lens and happened to make the prettiest little ‘blurry-not blurry’. Im also pretty sure I permanently dislodged something in my brain trying to sing at that BPM for the slow motion shots.
ten years ago ☺️ If pop up video still existed, a little bubble would tell you that half of this thing was shot with me sitting directly in front of a soft box. The budget was $0. @keithwithoutacrew was probably just testing out a lens and happened to make the prettiest little ‘blurry-not blurry’. Im also pretty sure I permanently dislodged something in my brain trying to sing at that BPM for the slow motion shots.
art as a grief language
Not even 3 and ALL OF THIS SASS
✨ suddenly, I’m hit ✨
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
winter hours – mary oliver #readinglist #maryoliver #winterhours #literature
i really loved this book. more poets writing memoirs pls. (some favorite lines) I knew it because sometimes you just know in some invisible place that you carry around with you but that isn’t even you when things are ending and new things are being born. I knew it because in that kiss I felt the sudden disappearance of all questions. I had a life that was overrun with questions. Do I exist? Am I good enough? Am I a human? Who is going to kill me? Will I be destroyed? Do I matter? I try to heal the disorder with my own two hands, and it feels like trying to arrange the stars. I struggle to clean up the messes I’ve made, the messes that have been made in me. I try to attend to my growth as one attends to a struggling plant, clipping dead leaves, changing positions in relation to the ever-moving sun. Overwatering and underwatering. I play music for myself, sing songs, ask what I need. I watch my spirit wilt and revive, fall and spring back again. I am lost and found and always have been. Wandering in vastness and light, weaving between knowing and never knowing, trying to see everything there is to see, trying to be far enough away to understand and close enough to grieve. I return again and again, for after everything else has been lost, return is all I know of love. Love is simply the feeling that I am grateful to be here and i am grateful you are here too, even if you’re on my fucking nerves, which to be honest some of you are. Either you get out or go all the way in. Most of me wanted to get out. It was too cold. I was too afraid. But there was a small part of me that knew my whole life lived right there below the surface of this water because my whole life comes down to a willingness to feel. She is no longer here to defend herself or explain herself and I bet that’s quite a relief for her. A lifelong swindler, she has pulled the ultimate grift on all of us by dying early and leaving us here to parse out what she actually meant. My good blessing this new year has been story and a pair of hands that touched each leaf as if each leaf were a loving living thing, as if I deserved to eat things that had been loved in this way.
“But you do have some room to maneuver, while you are alive and well, and can choose to enjoy the ride, even as you remain aware of the constraints you have and know that whatever you wish to accomplish always comes with a big caveat: Fate (the cart driver, God, the uni-verse) permitting. This is what it means to do whatever you do while “keeping in line with nature.” —- (I think I gotta read some more Epicurean texts because every time my guy Epictetus showed up in this he had the best lines. I think I find a little more purpose/meaning from pain, but he makes some points!) “If you learn that someone is speaking ill of you, don’t try to defend yourself against the rumors; respond instead with, ‘Yes, and he doesn’t know the half of it, because he could have said more.” (Epictetus) If I have to die now, then I die now; but if later, then now I’m going to dine, because it’s dinnertime (Epictetus)
