My mom died 12 years ago today. She was beautiful, smart, charming, and a thoroughly destructive (to self and others) alcoholic. That’s what killed her. I don’t know how I thought I could write a book about our relationship quickly. Well, I do: I thought that I could think my way through it. I thought I could do the research and that would be the core of the book: talks with scientists about childhood trauma, a complete family tree. I thought I could do all that work without my feelings distracting me. I thought I could use concentration and intellectual rigor in the place of feeling. I’ve been good at that. But grief will be heard. It demands attention. Grief will surface with a vengeance whether you want it to or not. It will make you pay interest if you have ignored its bill. So for a year and a half I have been feeling my way through it. I have not been writing as much as I thought I would… and slowly letting go of punishing myself for that. I have been trying to invite myself to write rather than making myself write. So I invite you to write with me. Sunday at 1pm CT via Zoom, link to come. It’s a spontaneous invitation. The best kind. UPDATE: Link! https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZAucOmpqDkuH91I-ow9X0SCFA-sGq4i2YEC (UPDATE: Link in bio, finally!) It’s a follow up to my celebration of recovery last month (yes she died a month and a day after I got my first year sober). It’s also a celebration of recovery, but — if you like this topic — a celebration of allowing oneself to feel grief… the only way to an ongoing, forever-in-process recovery from it. Join me just to be in community and support in the invitation to feel what demands to be felt.
Saw Alex Garland’s Civil War without thinking too much about the fact that my hair was still dirty, had no makeup on, was wearing a shirt I pulled off the floor. But it turns out to have been exactly the look I needed to pay homage to Kirsten Dunst, who is fantastic in the movie and the movie fantastic overall. I loved it. And it’s the first movie in years that left me just sitting in theater while the credits rolled, thinking about how I felt. I really might see it again. It hit me particularly hard as someone who has benefited from political upheaval — I’ve never been a war correspondent but I am drawn to and sometimes benefit from unrest and discord, even if I have soul-deep belief in one side being preferable to the other. Some people have accused it of being both-sidery and I find that critique baffling. It has a moral center. But it doesn’t pull punches.
Can you STAND IT? Can you withstand this level of adorable???
Can you STAND IT? Can you withstand this level of adorable???
Can’t think of a more patriotic sentiment.
Uhhhh
Cheese-wanters
CW racial violence. “The outright police brutalization and assault on Emory students exercising their constitutional right to free speech is a disgusting display of fascism. These young leaders, many who are LGBTQ , deserve the right to assemble and protest in peace without fear of state violence.” @humanrightscampaign Georgia state director @bentleyforus video of three cops holding down a Black student and pressing a taser against bare skin.
I’ve been worried about Exley — because I always worry — he was panting a lot and restless for a few days, tho he didn’t have any other symptoms of the pancreatitis he had in January. I think he might have been just … tummy troubles? We had a long walk and he had a good 💩 and now he’s breathing deep and snoring just a touch. He still has a sedated nail trim and bloodwork appointment on Thursday, my pricey lil pup.
Everything is terrible but at least Molly has a fuzzy belly for you to admire (do not touch it).
God sometimes speaks to me through shuffle. Woke up this morning on the wrong side of my mind and the driving to my meeting first I heard two songs I listened to on my darkest days of using. Elliott Smith’s “Needle in the Hay” — it’s about heroin specifically but why we use generally: I can’t be myself I can’t be myself and I don’t wanna talk I’m taking the cure So I can be quiet whenever I want So leave me alone Then, Jesus, “The Believer” by @rhettmiller, which is about Smith: All of your good friends All of the people I’d meet Keep a list of the things In this world that we trust … When you said happiness is all you wanted You said this is all you wanted How I miss You almost made it Happiness And while I miss Smith as much as anyone (the night he was on The Oscars was either the day punk died or the day people heard what it could produce), that song hit me because it reminded me of what I’d lose if I completely gave up. Now, eventually, I did give up. But the universe wouldn’t let me off that easy. One thing that kept me going when I had to start over again was the same thing “The Believer” said to me: “You’re so close, you’re loved even if you don’t feel it.” And then this was the reading in the meeting. AA literature isn’t often as beautiful as what Elliott Smith or Rhett can produce, but this one comes close. And I have seen the stars in sobriety. Let me testify that to you. Whatever you’re going through today, my witness to you is that the stars will be called in to shine for you as they always eventually do for me.
God sometimes speaks to me through shuffle. Woke up this morning on the wrong side of my mind and the driving to my meeting first I heard two songs I listened to on my darkest days of using. Elliott Smith’s “Needle in the Hay” — it’s about heroin specifically but why we use generally: I can’t be myself I can’t be myself and I don’t wanna talk I’m taking the cure So I can be quiet whenever I want So leave me alone Then, Jesus, “The Believer” by @rhettmiller, which is about Smith: All of your good friends All of the people I’d meet Keep a list of the things In this world that we trust … When you said happiness is all you wanted You said this is all you wanted How I miss You almost made it Happiness And while I miss Smith as much as anyone (the night he was on The Oscars was either the day punk died or the day people heard what it could produce), that song hit me because it reminded me of what I’d lose if I completely gave up. Now, eventually, I did give up. But the universe wouldn’t let me off that easy. One thing that kept me going when I had to start over again was the same thing “The Believer” said to me: “You’re so close, you’re loved even if you don’t feel it.” And then this was the reading in the meeting. AA literature isn’t often as beautiful as what Elliott Smith or Rhett can produce, but this one comes close. And I have seen the stars in sobriety. Let me testify that to you. Whatever you’re going through today, my witness to you is that the stars will be called in to shine for you as they always eventually do for me.
Chill Saturday
Rarely does a movie so thoroughly capture a moment in my personal experience.
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
Focused expressive writing has been found to have concrete benefits in groups and practiced by individuals. It’s been shown to help people process PTSD, get jobs quicker, even more literally heal (!). I’ve got sources for all the studies I cite below. I invite you to join me for the Third Story Workshop, pulling from the best practices of focused expressive writing. 20% off with offer code EARLYBIRD for a limited time. If finances are a problem, let me know and we’ll work something out. The origins of FEW: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1745691617707315 FEW and healing: Wounds: https://rebecca-stafford.org/wp-content/uploads/KoschWanez-Heidi-2013-Expressive-Writing-and-Wound-Healing-in-Older-Adults-A-RCT.pdf Asthma: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.578.414&rep=rep1&type=pdf Depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3759583/ IBS: https://journals.lww.com/ajg/Abstract/2010/11000/Expressive_Writing_Is_a_Promising_Therapeutic.23.aspx FEW and coping: Reducing maladaptive rumination: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/1528-3542.8.2.302 PTSD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4669193/ Covid trauma: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.587282/full FEW and success: Job finding: https://www.jstor.org/stable/256708#metadata_info_tab_contents Music performance: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01334/full Grades: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232541937_Stress_Management_through_Written_Emotional_Disclosure_Improves_Academic_Performance_among_College_Students_with_Physical_Symptoms
