When was the last time you felt curious about your partner the way you feel about a friend? Esther’s insights on her extended cut are living rent free in our heads. But how do you reignite interest when the initial spark has gone out? Stay tuned…
In the second-to-last episode of The Arc of Love series, I connect with a recently widowed mother of three, who reflects on the deep and and often unspoken aspects of her grief. She reflects on the impact of her late husband’s declining health on their relationship, including the neglected conversations about their sexual intimacy. As we explore the unaddressed emotions and the guilt she carries, I guide her through releasing those burdens and opening herself to new possibilities. Tune in to “All The Things We Never Said” on Where Should We Begin? to hear her journey of healing and hope.
In the second-to-last episode of The Arc of Love series, I connect with a recently widowed mother of three, who reflects on the deep and and often unspoken aspects of her grief. She reflects on the impact of her late husband’s declining health on their relationship, including the neglected conversations about their sexual intimacy. As we explore the unaddressed emotions and the guilt she carries, I guide her through releasing those burdens and opening herself to new possibilities. Tune in to “All The Things We Never Said” on Where Should We Begin? to hear her journey of healing and hope.
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Esther Perel’s trajectory from private practice psychotherapist to internationally renowned relationship expert is deeply entwined with technology. “Suddenly, you can reach people in the villages of every continent,” Perel said. “That’s technology.” But the same technological forces that have helped Perel’s ideas reach the masses have also begun to mold and meddle with modern-day relationships. It’s these unsettling phenomena Perel aims to tackle in her most recent U.S. speaking tour, “The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire,” which she will take to the YouTube Theater on Sept. 10. Ahead of her visit to Los Angeles, The Times spoke with Perel about Gen Z’s sexless reputation, the limitations of intimacy on online platforms and how public shaming on social media can interfere in the bedroom. Read more a the link in bio. ✍️ @alyssabereznak 🎨 Maggie Chiang / For The Times 📷 Katie McCurdy
Psychotherapist and bestselling author @estherperelofficial explains why giving focused attention, bringing novelty to the relationship and sharing experiences help strengthen connection. #HodaandJenna From March 2024
Maintaining a sense of mystery and surprise helps counteract the routine and repetition that can sometimes lead to a decline in desire over time. In my two brand-new courses, The Desire Bundle, releasing in just a few weeks, I’ll teach you how to break out of the routine and reinvigorate feelings of spontaneity and erotic aliveness in your relationship. Plus, hands-on exercises will help you to craft new routines and rituals that feel additive. Join the waitlist today to get early access to enroll on September 16th, ahead of the official course launch on September 17th. Visit the link in my bio.
Helen Fisher was a force of nature—her work on the brain circuitry of love was both scientifically rigorous and poetically profound. When I was getting ready to publish my first book, Mating in Captivity, I faced resistance over the title. I knew it was the right name—that it captured the essence of the book—so I called Helen to discuss it. But she had no time for discussion. Her response was immediate and fierce: “You must fight for your title. This is your book.” She gave me the confidence I lacked. Emboldened by her rallying cry, I stood my ground and got my title. Helen boosted me and I’ve never forgotten that moment. Over the years, our paths crossed many times. She was not just a colleague but a guiding light, someone who validated my clinical observations with her empirical research. Her book, The Anatomy of Love, remains a must-read, and the conversations we had, including the one we had on stage at TED, “Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why,” are moments I will always cherish. Helen, your wisdom, grit, and vitality will continue to inspire me, and so many others, long after your passing. What you did for me I have now done for a few other authors—and each time, I tell them our story. Rest in peace, dear friend.
Helen Fisher was a force of nature—her work on the brain circuitry of love was both scientifically rigorous and poetically profound. When I was getting ready to publish my first book, Mating in Captivity, I faced resistance over the title. I knew it was the right name—that it captured the essence of the book—so I called Helen to discuss it. But she had no time for discussion. Her response was immediate and fierce: “You must fight for your title. This is your book.” She gave me the confidence I lacked. Emboldened by her rallying cry, I stood my ground and got my title. Helen boosted me and I’ve never forgotten that moment. Over the years, our paths crossed many times. She was not just a colleague but a guiding light, someone who validated my clinical observations with her empirical research. Her book, The Anatomy of Love, remains a must-read, and the conversations we had, including the one we had on stage at TED, “Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why,” are moments I will always cherish. Helen, your wisdom, grit, and vitality will continue to inspire me, and so many others, long after your passing. What you did for me I have now done for a few other authors—and each time, I tell them our story. Rest in peace, dear friend.
Helen Fisher was a force of nature—her work on the brain circuitry of love was both scientifically rigorous and poetically profound. When I was getting ready to publish my first book, Mating in Captivity, I faced resistance over the title. I knew it was the right name—that it captured the essence of the book—so I called Helen to discuss it. But she had no time for discussion. Her response was immediate and fierce: “You must fight for your title. This is your book.” She gave me the confidence I lacked. Emboldened by her rallying cry, I stood my ground and got my title. Helen boosted me and I’ve never forgotten that moment. Over the years, our paths crossed many times. She was not just a colleague but a guiding light, someone who validated my clinical observations with her empirical research. Her book, The Anatomy of Love, remains a must-read, and the conversations we had, including the one we had on stage at TED, “Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why,” are moments I will always cherish. Helen, your wisdom, grit, and vitality will continue to inspire me, and so many others, long after your passing. What you did for me I have now done for a few other authors—and each time, I tell them our story. Rest in peace, dear friend.
Helen Fisher was a force of nature—her work on the brain circuitry of love was both scientifically rigorous and poetically profound. When I was getting ready to publish my first book, Mating in Captivity, I faced resistance over the title. I knew it was the right name—that it captured the essence of the book—so I called Helen to discuss it. But she had no time for discussion. Her response was immediate and fierce: “You must fight for your title. This is your book.” She gave me the confidence I lacked. Emboldened by her rallying cry, I stood my ground and got my title. Helen boosted me and I’ve never forgotten that moment. Over the years, our paths crossed many times. She was not just a colleague but a guiding light, someone who validated my clinical observations with her empirical research. Her book, The Anatomy of Love, remains a must-read, and the conversations we had, including the one we had on stage at TED, “Technology hasn’t changed love. Here’s why,” are moments I will always cherish. Helen, your wisdom, grit, and vitality will continue to inspire me, and so many others, long after your passing. What you did for me I have now done for a few other authors—and each time, I tell them our story. Rest in peace, dear friend.
@rickrubin speaks with psychotherapist and relationship expert @estherperelofficial about reflection and reaction in relationships. —— Thank you to the sponsors that fuel our podcast and our team: Lucy https://lucy.co/tetra Use code TETRA —— @drinklmnt https://drinklmnt.com/tetra Use code TETRA —— @squarespace https://squarespace.com/tetra Use code TETRA —— @houseofmacadamias https://www.houseofmacadamias.com/tetra Use code TETRA
When we’re stuck in a sexual rut, we focus too much on the problems and not enough on the possibilities. “We only did it once last month. We haven’t done it in a year. It only lasted two minutes.” Our obsession with frequency of sex and orgasm neglects the vast realm of eroticism as well the issue of desire. Sensuality simply doesn’t lend itself to the rigors of scorekeeping. It’s not about the frequency or the mechanics, but about reigniting our fascination with the erotic. Sex isn’t just something we do; it’s a place we go—inside ourselves or with another. It’s an experience that unfolds in the spaces where curiosity meets creativity. Eroticism involves trying new things, exploring new places, and remembering the ancient things we’ve long forgotten. It’s a practice of exploration, curiosity, and connection—not just physically, but energetically and emotionally, and psychologically. Explore new possibilities, make space for new, vibrant ways to connect and experience creative solutions that free you from whatever’s keeping you stuck. Visit the link in my bio for details on my upcoming two-course bundle, launching this fall, focused on bringing desire back in your relationship and infusing intimacy with more playfulness.
When people come to me to talk about s*xlessness, it’s typically because they really *want* to be having s*x. They don’t understand how they fell out of practice or how the chasm between their partner’s desire and theirs grew so large, so seemingly uncrossable. When you want it but aren’t having it—or when you want to want it and just don’t—shame will convince you: It’s an individual problem. It’s your fault. I’m here to tell you: It’s not. There is an exercise I do during my live theater show that demonstrates how not alone you are. Through a series of questions, we find ourselves in a sea of lights, each one representing what we all usually carry alone in our internal darkness. S*xuality is always more central than we acknowledge, and the messages we received growing up can influence our relationships and experiences later on. No wonder s*x—and a lack of it—can be so hard to talk about. That’s why this month, I am launching my new Desire Bundle. I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but together, we’ll explore what’s possible. For more insights, reflections, and resources, be sure to check out this month’s newsletter, available now through the link in my bio.
How frequently should I be having sex? What does it mean that we no longer have sex? How can we keep desire alive? Can we get desire back once it’s gone? This Fall, I’m releasing a two-course bundle to help you unlock desire and play your way to a more erotically charged life. In the first course, you’ll learn skills to help you remove sexual blocks and reignite desire. In the second course, you’ll learn how to tap into new erotic possibilities through fantasy and rituals. Visit the link in my bio to be among the first to join the waitlist where you will receive exclusive benefits. Together, these courses will empower you to overcome the shame, stigma, and misconceptions obstructing sexual satisfaction. You will learn to infuse your sex life with more aliveness, vitality, and spontaneity, and create rich, erotic, and fulfilling rituals to turn to whenever the spark begins to fade. You can find some relief in knowing: you are clearly not the first person to wonder if the amount of sex you are—or are not—having is “normal.” We all struggle with desire, even in otherwise fulfilling relationships. I’ll be sharing more details about The Desire Bundle in the weeks to come!
How frequently should I be having sex? What does it mean that we no longer have sex? How can we keep desire alive? Can we get desire back once it’s gone? This Fall, I’m releasing a two-course bundle to help you unlock desire and play your way to a more erotically charged life. In the first course, you’ll learn skills to help you remove sexual blocks and reignite desire. In the second course, you’ll learn how to tap into new erotic possibilities through fantasy and rituals. Visit the link in my bio to be among the first to join the waitlist where you will receive exclusive benefits. Together, these courses will empower you to overcome the shame, stigma, and misconceptions obstructing sexual satisfaction. You will learn to infuse your sex life with more aliveness, vitality, and spontaneity, and create rich, erotic, and fulfilling rituals to turn to whenever the spark begins to fade. You can find some relief in knowing: you are clearly not the first person to wonder if the amount of sex you are—or are not—having is “normal.” We all struggle with desire, even in otherwise fulfilling relationships. I’ll be sharing more details about The Desire Bundle in the weeks to come!
How frequently should I be having sex? What does it mean that we no longer have sex? How can we keep desire alive? Can we get desire back once it’s gone? This Fall, I’m releasing a two-course bundle to help you unlock desire and play your way to a more erotically charged life. In the first course, you’ll learn skills to help you remove sexual blocks and reignite desire. In the second course, you’ll learn how to tap into new erotic possibilities through fantasy and rituals. Visit the link in my bio to be among the first to join the waitlist where you will receive exclusive benefits. Together, these courses will empower you to overcome the shame, stigma, and misconceptions obstructing sexual satisfaction. You will learn to infuse your sex life with more aliveness, vitality, and spontaneity, and create rich, erotic, and fulfilling rituals to turn to whenever the spark begins to fade. You can find some relief in knowing: you are clearly not the first person to wonder if the amount of sex you are—or are not—having is “normal.” We all struggle with desire, even in otherwise fulfilling relationships. I’ll be sharing more details about The Desire Bundle in the weeks to come!
How frequently should I be having sex? What does it mean that we no longer have sex? How can we keep desire alive? Can we get desire back once it’s gone? This Fall, I’m releasing a two-course bundle to help you unlock desire and play your way to a more erotically charged life. In the first course, you’ll learn skills to help you remove sexual blocks and reignite desire. In the second course, you’ll learn how to tap into new erotic possibilities through fantasy and rituals. Visit the link in my bio to be among the first to join the waitlist where you will receive exclusive benefits. Together, these courses will empower you to overcome the shame, stigma, and misconceptions obstructing sexual satisfaction. You will learn to infuse your sex life with more aliveness, vitality, and spontaneity, and create rich, erotic, and fulfilling rituals to turn to whenever the spark begins to fade. You can find some relief in knowing: you are clearly not the first person to wonder if the amount of sex you are—or are not—having is “normal.” We all struggle with desire, even in otherwise fulfilling relationships. I’ll be sharing more details about The Desire Bundle in the weeks to come!
How frequently should I be having sex? What does it mean that we no longer have sex? How can we keep desire alive? Can we get desire back once it’s gone? This Fall, I’m releasing a two-course bundle to help you unlock desire and play your way to a more erotically charged life. In the first course, you’ll learn skills to help you remove sexual blocks and reignite desire. In the second course, you’ll learn how to tap into new erotic possibilities through fantasy and rituals. Visit the link in my bio to be among the first to join the waitlist where you will receive exclusive benefits. Together, these courses will empower you to overcome the shame, stigma, and misconceptions obstructing sexual satisfaction. You will learn to infuse your sex life with more aliveness, vitality, and spontaneity, and create rich, erotic, and fulfilling rituals to turn to whenever the spark begins to fade. You can find some relief in knowing: you are clearly not the first person to wonder if the amount of sex you are—or are not—having is “normal.” We all struggle with desire, even in otherwise fulfilling relationships. I’ll be sharing more details about The Desire Bundle in the weeks to come!
