“How do you know if a relationship is worth saving?” is one of the most commonly asked questions I receive.
Ambivalence exists in every relational configuration, but we put a lot of pressure on romantic love, in particular, to rise above it. It is an uncomfortable feeling — heavy with contradictions, it makes us doubt our feelings and choices. This discomfort makes us crave a definitive answer. So we force ourselves one way or the other.
We learn that romantic love is supposed to flood us with certainty and thus there is no room for ambivalence. But ambivalence is as intrinsic to relationships as love itself.
Of course there are situations in which we need to definitively decide to stay or go. But there are just as many, if not more, situations in which our ability to hold our ambivalence is a sign that we understand and accept the complexities of life.
For more on this topic and much more, visit the link in my bio for the full episode of my conversation with On Purpose hosted by @jayshetty.
On a recent hike, I spoke with a friend about the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone is often a condition for peaceful solitude and introspection. Feeling lonely, on the other hand, is an emotional, existential, and social experience that can be profoundly debilitating. In my office, I’ve heard many people talk about loneliness, the kind that is timeless and familiar as well as the kind that seems specific to this era.
Every day, there are headlines, posts, and conversations that leave us feeling as if we’d rather be alone than engage with others on such sensitive and divisive topics—whether it’s politically-driven, a schism in your family, or one of a million other topics we are collectively fighting about as a society.
My work, in part, is about helping you to disagree without disconnecting. It’s about helping you approach the unfamiliar with curiosity even if it scares or enrages you. It’s okay to respond to such overwhelm with self-isolation. But I hope you won’t stay there too long. I hope you will emerge and seek connection outside of yourself even if it’s hard, even if it means meeting new people or learning a new skill or going to a place you’ve never been.
I dive deeper into this topic in this month’s newsletter, available through the link in my bio. After reading, share your thoughts in the comments below.
Ever found yourself in relationships where you ask yourself, “Why do I stay when I know I deserve better?” You’re not alone. In a new episode of “Where Should We Begin?”, I unravel the heartbreaking struggle of a woman stuck in a cycle of toxic love. Tune in as we explore the reasons behind her repeated return to familiar pain, and shed light on the path to breaking free. Listen to “If He’s A “High Value Man” What Am I?” through the link in my bio.
Ever found yourself in relationships where you ask yourself, “Why do I stay when I know I deserve better?” You’re not alone. In a new episode of “Where Should We Begin?”, I unravel the heartbreaking struggle of a woman stuck in a cycle of toxic love. Tune in as we explore the reasons behind her repeated return to familiar pain, and shed light on the path to breaking free. Listen to “If He’s A “High Value Man” What Am I?” through the link in my bio.
Ever found yourself in relationships where you ask yourself, “Why do I stay when I know I deserve better?” You’re not alone. In a new episode of “Where Should We Begin?”, I unravel the heartbreaking struggle of a woman stuck in a cycle of toxic love. Tune in as we explore the reasons behind her repeated return to familiar pain, and shed light on the path to breaking free. Listen to “If He’s A “High Value Man” What Am I?” through the link in my bio.
Ever found yourself in relationships where you ask yourself, “Why do I stay when I know I deserve better?” You’re not alone. In a new episode of “Where Should We Begin?”, I unravel the heartbreaking struggle of a woman stuck in a cycle of toxic love. Tune in as we explore the reasons behind her repeated return to familiar pain, and shed light on the path to breaking free. Listen to “If He’s A “High Value Man” What Am I?” through the link in my bio.
Ever found yourself in relationships where you ask yourself, “Why do I stay when I know I deserve better?” You’re not alone. In a new episode of “Where Should We Begin?”, I unravel the heartbreaking struggle of a woman stuck in a cycle of toxic love. Tune in as we explore the reasons behind her repeated return to familiar pain, and shed light on the path to breaking free. Listen to “If He’s A “High Value Man” What Am I?” through the link in my bio.
Even couples that don’t “fight” have conflict. Explore the dynamics of conflict in relationships my latest course, Turning Conflict Into Connection.
Inside, I’ll take you through a series of short videos and exercises to teach you what causes conflict, how you can better understand your responses (and your partner’s), and skills and frameworks you can start using right away to transform conflict into opportunities for growth, strengthening the foundation of your relationship.
Conflict is intrinsic to every relationship. Together, let’s master the art of navigating conflict, enriching our relationships along the way. Visit the link in my bio.
“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?” – Mating in Captivity.
Our expectations of our partners have never been so high. We often put too much pressure on our romantic partners and have unrealistic expectations for them. We expect a lover, best friend, co-parent, advisor, and more, and people usually can’t fulfill all of these different needs all of the time.
You slowly begin to realize that person doesn’t necessarily conform to your expectations. When these expectations are not met, these become the source of disappointment, resentment, and misunderstanding — and eventually, suffering and pain.
How do we steer clear of resentment and pave the way for thriving relationships?
As Eli Finkel explains, it often involves adjusting our expectations without necessarily diminishing them. Rather than lowering our standards, we might find success in recalibrating them and diversifying our approach by inviting others to contribute to fulfilling our relational needs. And be sure to engage in new experiences together. While sticking to familiar and enjoyable activities can strengthen the friendship aspect, true depth and intimacy often require venturing outside our comfort zones and embracing risk through new experiences with our partner.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Many first dates these days are like a job interview. It’s people asking each other common questions. It’s lifeless. It doesn’t elicit curiosity.
I sat down with @insiderbusiness to share my tips on how to make a first date more fun. A date that gathers data is deadly. A date that evokes curiosity, discovery, serendipity, happenstance — that becomes interesting.
Visit the link in my bio for 5 steps to transform your next first date.
Psychotherapist and bestselling author @estherperelofficial joined @hodakotb and @jennabhager to share her expert tips on how to rekindle romance in a relationship. She explains why giving focused attention, bringing novelty to the relationship and sharing experiences help strengthen connection.
I’m excited to return to SXSW this year, sharing the @voxmedia stage with cherished friends!
This Friday at 11:30am CST, @trevornoah and I will come together for a live recording of “Where Should We Begin?” to discuss the important role laughter plays in our current world. Plus, with my first-ever U.S. Tour approaching, Trevor will offer some invaluable insights on commanding the stage.
Then, on Sunday, March 10th at 10am CST, I will join @brenebrown for a live recording of her podcast “Unlocking Us,” exploring the magic and the messiness of what it means to be human.
Stay tuned for the release of these episodes and if you’ll be attending @sxsw this weekend, I look forward to seeing you there!
I’m excited to return to SXSW this year, sharing the @voxmedia stage with cherished friends!
This Friday at 11:30am CST, @trevornoah and I will come together for a live recording of “Where Should We Begin?” to discuss the important role laughter plays in our current world. Plus, with my first-ever U.S. Tour approaching, Trevor will offer some invaluable insights on commanding the stage.
Then, on Sunday, March 10th at 10am CST, I will join @brenebrown for a live recording of her podcast “Unlocking Us,” exploring the magic and the messiness of what it means to be human.
Stay tuned for the release of these episodes and if you’ll be attending @sxsw this weekend, I look forward to seeing you there!
Returning to the bustling streets of New York City, I’m thrilled to once again immerse myself in the art of storytelling with strangers. This time, in the iconic Grand Central Station, where in the midst of the hurried footsteps of commuters, we carved out moments of connection.
As people rushed to and from their destinations, they paused to share stories, laughter, and genuine human connection — some, paying tribute to the countless women who have shaped our lives, all sparked by the second edition of Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories. On this #InternationalWomensDay, we celebrate the essence of womanhood and the power of shared experiences.
In just a few weeks, I kick off the first show of my U.S. tour. To me, each city is not just a venue but an interactive 3,000-person group date, imbued with the potential for connection and dialogue. Ahead of this journey, I spoke with @nylonmag about how I prepare for what feels like a collective experience—my live show. Along the way, I shared some of my most valuable dating insights and advice. Read my full conversation with @laurapitcher through the link in my bio.
In just a few weeks, I kick off the first show of my U.S. tour. To me, each city is not just a venue but an interactive 3,000-person group date, imbued with the potential for connection and dialogue. Ahead of this journey, I spoke with @nylonmag about how I prepare for what feels like a collective experience—my live show. Along the way, I shared some of my most valuable dating insights and advice. Read my full conversation with @laurapitcher through the link in my bio.
Join me for “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire” across the U.S.— an evening that’s not just about me, it’s about all of us! I invite you to engage deeply, question openly, and explore together in this immersive conversation between you, me, and each other. Together, we will rethink how we connect, how we desire, and even how we love.
Tickets are available through the link in my bio. I can’t wait to meet you in Philadelphia, Boston, Washington DC, New York City, Los Angeles, Seattle, and San Francisco.
Want to know what it is? You’ll have to click the link in bio to find out. 🤭 And while you’re there, you can read all about @estherperelofficial’s process for creating her iconic card game “Where Should We Begin?” and why the relationship between play and storytelling is so important, plus how she’s prepping for her first-ever U.S. Tour, “An Evening with Esther Perel.”
Want to know what it is? You’ll have to click the link in bio to find out. 🤭 And while you’re there, you can read all about @estherperelofficial’s process for creating her iconic card game “Where Should We Begin?” and why the relationship between play and storytelling is so important, plus how she’s prepping for her first-ever U.S. Tour, “An Evening with Esther Perel.”
