Did you know Iām the daughter of Santa Claus? I can honestly say that having an immigrant parent do their versions of holidays are the best. #hojoho bilingual Santa š š½
From my first #Netflix special #LowerClassy (taped in San Antonio in 2016).
Took me decades to realize Iāve never really seen the world like I shouldāve. š¤ #cristelaalonzo #middleclassy
Smiling non stop. @cristela9
See Cristela tonight at 9:30 in The Main Room with @mazjobrani @chrisestradacomic @amircomedy @rickingraham @jessimaepeluso more! Get tickets at hollywoodimprov.com #hollywoodimprov #comedy
Hello everyone! Itās been a minute! Just wanted to say hello and tell you this weekend, Iām coming to do shows in Sacramento, Santa Rosa and Fresno! Tickets available at my website: cristelaalonzo.com Hope to see you there!
First gen problemsā¦ From my 2023 @netflixisajoke special #MiddleClassy. UPCOMING DATES: Aug 8-10: @punchlinephilly Aug 23: Monterey @gstheatremonterey Aug 24: San Luis Obispo, CA @fremontslo
Iāve tried to be open with my struggles. I think it might make people know that theyāre not alone if theyāre going through something similar. I tell jokes for a living. I want to make people feel good because sometimes I donāt. My stand-up is mostly talking about my life and what Iām going through and learning. Iāll admit, I like when people can connect with what Iām saying. As different as we all may be, we are actually quite alike.
I do the work to understand the whys of it all but that doesnāt mean that it still doesnāt affect me. Itās been a long year for me, for all of us. I honestly didnāt know it was NYE tonight till someone reminded me an hour ago.
Iām doing as ok as I can be. I am lucky enough to have the help I need and more importantly, learning to ask for the help because if youāre someone thatās been taught to do everything yourself, you donāt even think of asking.
Last time I went through a deep depression, I didnāt work for a couple of years butā¦this time I havenāt stopped and itās because Iām learning to deal with it better.
I hope we can all be kinder to each other. Sometimes a kind word can go a long way to someone that needs to hear it. ā¤ļø
Today, I went to the FOX lot and saw the stage I used to shoot my sitcom at 10 years ago. I was a page (usher) at the show about 25 years ago. I had a lot of feelings. Sometimes you go back and visit and then remember you canāt go back at allā¦and that can be a really good thing. #Cristela ā¤ļø
20th stand-up anniversary today!
This is a clip from my FIRST time on stage and the first joke I ever told. š Video quality is bad because It was shot on VHS! Hahahaha.
Had to make my food and think about the 9-5 school job I had back in the day.
THANK YOU HOUSTON! About to do my last show of a sold out weekend! Thank you to everyone that came to my shows. Love you all. Canāt wait to come back.
And if you DID come to my shows, remember to have more fun in life. ā¤ļø
When my mom didnāt believe me, she sounded like a motorcycle you couldnāt start.
Iāve owned this ring for so long. Itās a custom I got done @melodyehsani years ago. I have so many pieces that say VOTE and I bust them out a lot during election times. Thank you, Palm Springs. Iāve never played the city before. Canāt wait to be back in the area. I had people drive from LA to this show. Trust me, I would LOVE to play LAā¦I just need to find a theatre that works for me. I know thereās a ton of places but just because there are, doesnāt mean that I can play them. All happens when itās supposed to.
HAPPY HISPANIC HERITAGE H-MONTH! To all the businesses that want to make money this monthā¦donāt worry. I got you! Follow me for more consulting tips. #cristelaalonzo #hispanicheritagemonth
Finally selling merch! HAHA. Starting in San Antonio, you can get this cap and some other stuff at the show on Wednesday at the Tobin!
Last nightās look for my show in Cheyenne, WY! First time there but not the last.
That lipstick is @smashmouthofficial in Bang Bang. If you ever want to wear a lipstick for three years straight, this is the one! Lol. The foundation is @wetnwildbeauty the eyebrows and (brow powder) are @damoneroberts. The contour is @milk in Blaze. The blush is @narsissist in Orgasm. The extensions are @mr_izzycolor. The vintage Dolly t-shirt is @goodbyeheartvintage
AND I DONT KNOW WHY I TOLD YOU ALL THIS! Haha.
May your SĆ”bado be giganteā¦and also with you (if youāre Catholic)
THIS FRIDAY! Cheyenne, WY! Otherwise known as a suburb of Denver! Okay not really but Iām still playing there this Friday!
Itās part of the Latino Fest the city is having. Iām playing the Cheyenne Civic Center! Tickets available at QR code in pic or at my website cristelaalonzo.com!
Sorry to my people in Philadelphia but next weekās show at the Punchline are canceled. Iām working two jobs now: stand-up and writing on a show and honestlyā¦my bandwidth isnāt working out for next week. We have our first table read next week and we start shooting. So so sorry. I always try to not cancel shows but sometimes I canāt help it. š
Donāt miss the comedic genius who brought you not one, but TWO Netflix comedy specials! Cristela Alonzo is coming to Westgate Las Vegas on January 20th.
Grab your tickets today! resort.to/Cristela-alonzo
MERCHANDISE PREVIEW: Iām going to start selling these bottle opener keychains at my shows (and maybe eventually my online store once I get that set up). Did you read what it says? Lol.
I know, I know. It took me a long while to get merchandise but better late than never.
Also not my car keys. My friend making my merch bought the first one!
FRESNO! I will be coming to do a show @tower_theatre on July 14! Tickets available at the venue page or at cristelaalonzo.com
NEXT SHOW: SAN ANTONIO, TX! Wednesday, Sept 20!
Iāve gotten questions about this show. This IS a full hour stand-up show butā¦also includes another 30 min Q&A where Iāll be answering questions about where I get my writing influences from, etc. SOā¦itās like 90 min of me. (Sorry not sorry lol)
This is all connected to Hispanic Heritage Month. The @tobincentersa wanted to feature me for their Latino speakers series but this is not a typical reading. There WILL be books for sale at the event AND ALSO MY OWN MERCH SOLD BY MY BROTHERS LOL. Makes me laugh that my brothers are selling.
Hope to see you there! Tickets at my website or at the Tobin site. Wonāt be back to San Antonio till next year after this date! ā¤ļø
UPCOMING CALIFORNIA SHOWS! JULY AND AUGUST! Iām excited to hit up Northern and Central California next week and in August! I will be going to: JULY 12 – SACRAMENTO – CREST THEATRE https://www.eventbrite.com/e/cristela-alonzo-tickets-859150370887 JULY 13 – SANTA ROSA – LUTHER BURBANK CENTER https://tickets.lutherburbankcenter.org/0/5298 JULY 14 – FRESNO – TOWER THEATRE https://fresnotowertheater.com/cristela-alonzo/ AUG 23 – MONTEREY – GOLDEN STATE THEATRE https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/76329825 AUG 24 – SAN LUIS OBISPO – FREMONT THEATRE https://www.prekindle.com/event/37539-cristela-alonzo-san-luis-obispo HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL THERE!
